tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6367596429065516772.post8166791385550456314..comments2023-10-28T06:12:54.164-07:00Comments on infantasia: confrontingJohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08988685736635515808noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6367596429065516772.post-89592761052538464182011-10-17T13:37:58.122-07:002011-10-17T13:37:58.122-07:00I thought it was quite clear about teaching childr...I thought it was quite clear about teaching children to recognise and respect the needs and rights of others while also managing not to repress or stifle their voices. This article isn't suggesting that children are given free reign or never informed, corrected or taught discipline. At least, I see no sign of that.<br /><br />I'm uncomfortable with the critique of the lesbian parent. I think it's a valid point that autonomy has long been fostered and encouraged in boys, while girls' voices were stifled. I always remember from the Laura Ingall's Wilder books, 'Laura. A woman's voice should be gentle and well modulated at all times.' <br /><br />I see no reason why they wouldn't be as eager to validate a male child's feelings and raise them to be assertive too.Johttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08988685736635515808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6367596429065516772.post-59059988040268432072011-10-17T12:17:28.795-07:002011-10-17T12:17:28.795-07:00In response to Anon's comment, it seems to me ...In response to Anon's comment, it seems to me that regardless of the innate tendencies of a child, if they do exist, the adult/parent is quite simply bigger and more able than the child, presenting an intrinsic power structure as such. The child quite literally depends on the parent/adult for survival—this is where and how the child begins to learn fundamental things about how to "be" in order to survive. While it may be that some children's actions or tendencies seem to call for more or different kinds of discipline, the child invariably requires the care of the adult, if only most fundamentally for the first few years, and this means that if a parent's highest desire is, as the article mentions, to produce obedience, it can have a significant effect on dampening the self-perceived autonomy of even the most strong-willed child. So it seems to me.<br /><br />All that being said, my personal experience is undoubtedly affecting my perception of the article and the conversation, and I am not a parent (to human children), so that experience is solely from the "child" perspective in the equation.Emeraldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00819037087504004841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6367596429065516772.post-29847056259757509432011-10-17T06:37:31.789-07:002011-10-17T06:37:31.789-07:00Very interesting article. But I think what is miss...Very interesting article. But I think what is missing is a sense of the innate personality and character of the child. I'm quite sure everyone will disagree with me on this but I think some children have enormously strong personalities and need less to learn to stand up for themselves than they do to recognise the existence and validity of other people's needs. Sometimes that involves parents setting very clear boundaries and getting the child to accept those boundaries involves a significant amount of conflict. <br /><br />I also think there is a strongly gendered aspect to this article. She is writing as a lesbian feminist about bringing up a daughter and very naturally therefore is focusing on how important it is that girls are raised to be strong, forceful and heard. I think it would be incredibly interesting to see what her reaction might be to parenting an extremely strong-minded little boy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6367596429065516772.post-47579948711968130412011-10-17T00:58:09.306-07:002011-10-17T00:58:09.306-07:00It is a hard thing to confront your feelings about...It is a hard thing to confront your feelings about something you you don't like in yourself (I've certainly been there.)<br /><br />But I do believe that in order to get someplace, we have to know both where we're going, and have an honest perspective on where we are.<br /><br />As you said, something like this can't come in the form of a quick fix. Realizing that, too, is an important step.<br /><br />All I can say is, I wish you the best in your journey.Craig Sorensenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08101869420537661374noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6367596429065516772.post-62454728389404142592011-10-16T20:35:17.721-07:002011-10-16T20:35:17.721-07:00When I read the article, I felt...well, pre-verbal...When I read the article, I felt...well, pre-verbal, frankly. Words did not feel or seem forthcoming in me, as the content of the article struck me in a visceral sense. There is too, though, a sense of inspiration that someone (meaning the author) sees this, someone realizes these connections and this relevance, even if...others do not or have not seemed to. That seems reticent, coy, and/or cryptic, probably, I know...but I too have experienced guilt outright describing certain things I feel I experienced in relation to my parents, especially without explaining a lot of context. <br /><br />Anyway, I really appreciated that article (it will be forthcoming in a Recommended Reading post). And I honor the self-awareness and intention I interpret you as expressing here—that you actively and consciously care about the kind of parent you are, the well-being of your children, that you do not feel willing or desirous of simply turning away from what is inside you thoughtlessly in order to make it feel easier to you regardless of what impact it may have on others, including your children.<br /><br />All best to you. Hugs and love.Emeraldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00819037087504004841noreply@blogger.com