My husband woke up half an hour before he was meant to be in work today - our little boy was so pleased to see him - cuddled right up and wouldn't let go. His dad was holding him in his arms while brushing his teeth. He looked at him and said 'I look at you and I see myself, and then I look in the mirror and see an old, tired face I don't recognise'. It's so sad this aging. Aging without growing or achieving, it feels like.
In fairness, it's more crappy work and bad lifestyle management that does it though, I know. Long days in work, late night gigs, not enough proper nutrition. Man cannot live by cheese sandwiches alone. And all the bits that should be good are really just riddled with stress.
I need to work a lot more this year, I really want to be able to take the opportunity to make some money. Childcare... childcare... and the prospect of working every hour I can in between feeding and entertaining children is daunting. I need to find some time to swim and walk, and (yeah, right) work on story illustrations, work on doing something with my stories.
The problem is, my being here is taken for granted by my husband, who will say yes to any gig first, then tell me about it. No consultation. I can book a night out, but if a gig comes up he'll take it anyway, and then it's up to me to make other arrangements, or find a babysitter.
So we're all losing our youth, but at least he's got a creative outlet.
13 comments:
Oh FFS stop with the "My husband has a gig"
if he gets paid for it, it's work...
Probably more than you get for your cakes right?
Yep, when he's paid for it. But that's not why he does it. It's no hardship. And I'm extremely supportive of it, in truth.
Yes, he gets paid more for it than I get for 'my cakes', though as yet the money goes back into the band. And cigarettes for him.
And I'm not talking about 'my cakes', I'm talking about the teaching work I do during term time.
It's my blog, I'll complain when I want to.
If you're going to leave a flaming comment, have the balls and decency not to do it anonymously, maybe?
I dont have a google id, I'll get one. But your husband has a job, apart from his band yes?
So his gigs equate to your cakes.
I wasn't flaming, I was dis-agreeing.
You assume I am a man (grow balls etc) interesting.
No, it's just an expression. I assumed you were a girl, actually, maybe even one I know?
The point I'm making is that I'm talking about my profession, not my hobby. I'm not really sure where my cakes come into it, to be honest.
well your husband does gigs in his spare time. You do cakes in yours. If you need a more rounded explanation, then perhaps you need more assistance than I can offer
Gee Jo (pronounced jee), you have a stalker!
Heh, no Tinman, just someone who doesn't like me :)
Boggle a few posts ago, now HE was a stalker :)
I like the way you’re kid wouldn’t let go his da, that’s so fucking brilliant. I love that Mitch Albom expression about “the tension of opposites” ( bit soppy & merican), but the tension is always there. There’s a whole load stuff needs doing, and needs doing right now, but you can’t get a pint and half from a pint glass. It works itself out.
It would be interesting to hear your hubbies take on this subject Jo. I'm sure he doesn't realise he takes you for granted. Maybe it would help to tell him and not us! :)
I'm sure you'd find his arguments about it very convincing. And if talking to him about it had ever got me anywhere I wouldn't be venting about it here.
Men just take women for granted! Sorry Voodoo! As you get older you realise this, and the problem is as women we are there for our families no matter what, the "provider, hunter gatherer" is sanctioned by our patriarchal society, men provide shelter and financial support, women provide everything else. we still do more than our fair share of work around the home never mind if we work inside or outside, and I know it's hard it imagine but working at home, as a mother, is incredibly difficult and draining, then add in the desire to do a little more, and I know Jo works incredibly hard on her term time work or on the baking, it is so incredibly difficult, you feel like a slave, unrecognised and un rewarded, your husband works and is recognised for this work, he gets to "unwind" with his friends over a few pints or a round of golf or whatever, but as a mummy everything has to be organised weeks in advance, and sometimes when the anticipated evening comes along you are just too bloody tired to go anywhere!
I don't think you're being unreaonable here Jo. If his gigs pay the majority of the bills then obviously they have to have some form of priority, however if "the money goes back into the band. And cigarettes for him." then there needs to be a balance with your needs too.
I feel the same way about anonymous commenters too strangely. Blogger accepts Open ID, even names with URLs so there's no excuse for flaming behind anonymity. It can be disabled easily, I've done it on any site I've run.
Some people do need to grow balls and stand behind their opinions in one way or another.
Well, you don't have to have an account to type a name at the bottom of your comment...
In fairness, some of the money has gone towards bills. It's just there are a few months large band expenses around now.
He's played four gigs a weekend for the last two weeks, plus one day of practice. So five nights out, and the remaining two he's so tired he's asleep by 8pm.
You can be as insistant as you like about 'enough with the my husband has a gig', anyonymous, but it's still not much of a life for me right now, whether he's earning and it's a job for me or not.
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