La Leche meeting

Hmm. I went to my local La Leche meeting yesterday, hoping for some more tips on getting the baby to latch properly, he's got lazy or something and I'm getting a little sore.

My only other experience with La Leche has been negative: when my first baby was a couple days old and I was really having problems, I rang the local support number and got none - a disgruntled husband answered the phone, and then the woman who talked to me was NO HELP AT ALL - suggested in a miffed voice that I could perhaps go to the meeting in a couple days but then recognised that it might be a bit early (2 days after birth) and then said 'I suppose I could come out to you' in a dismal voice but then said nothing more about it and I rang off deeply discouraged.

The women at yesterday's meeting were nice but I just felt depressed by their philosophy. They're so pro attachment parenting it makes me want to decree that there shall be bottle feeding for all!

Now you know I'm seriously pro breastfeeding, and do believe in sacrificing quite a lot for the sake of it. Yes, mise an lactivist. But Jesus. These women are espousing the delights of feeding the baby to sleep indefinitely and when asked if it was possible to express and get a break, they insisted that you won't, and shouldn't want 'a break' from your baby, and that it's possible to have a romantic dinner for three instead of two. Ah. There's no need for that. Then they gave the pregnant woman who was asking questions no help at all about basic things like positioning.

I believe in co-sleeping, sling wearing, not leaving your baby to cry, I wouldn't want to leave my newborn overnight, nor even my six month old. But! Jesus, being bonded to your child doesn't mean not being able to go out to dinner or seeing a film, and I don't think any pregnant woman should expect to have to feel that.

With my first child I did it all the La Leche way - feed her to sleep, have no routine, baby led parenting. Which I'm still doing to an extent, except that with out any trouble, I have my little boy lying down, sucking his thumb and being cheerfully asleep in minutes. Compare that to the literal hours each night of trying to feed my daughter to sleep, over and over, only to have her wake an hour later for another comfort feed because sh had no idea how to go asleep by herself. And the LL women are trying to sell that as positive and precious? Eh, no.

The problem I have is that they treat older babies as newborns and don't recognise their abilities. And it's all dumped on the parents.

I'm finding Tracy Hogg great, though I'm not being too rigid or forcing everything she suggests (I don't think her idea of beast feeding is v correct or realistic, and timing feeds is not a good idea!). However, I think it works, I don't think a baby being put to bed at regular times when they're tired is mean to them. It's fine if you have the baby sleep in a sling whenever it drops off, and stays up til your bedtime if it's happy doing that. But I went to one LL type woman's house, she was hosting a Home Birth meeting, and her 6 month old was still up at 8 when we got there, and played with his brothers and father until he got hungry. She tried to feed him to sleep during the course of the meeting, which only worked briefly and the poor mite sat there with red, exhausted eyes, yawning and going glazed, obviously exhausted. He was still up at ten when we left - what would the harm have been in popping that baby into bed and getting on with the grown up stuff? I don' t think that was in his interest at all - having no bedtime was certainly about her refusal to do it rather than her interest in his needs.

The problem with baby led is that babies need to be taught certain things. My friend, when espousing the benefits of controlled crying, suggested that learning to sleep is a gift we can give our kids - I agree, except I don't believe in doing it the controlled crying way. And doing it when they're a month old is a hell of a lot easier than waiting til they're bigger.

I know babies are all different - and I think first babies are fundamentally different too. But having watched my son learn to go asleep at bedtime in 2 days, I am a convert! And brilliant as the La Leche articles and knowledge are, I think the Baby Whisperer does more to help parents than their local LL leagues do. I think they need to modify their position a bit better, and recognise that some baby led behaviour just leads to bad habits. In the real world women need to work, go out, have a life. It's no good raising a baby that no-one but you can look after. And to be honest, what I heard the women saying was a little more off putting than inspirational yesterday. Romantic dinner for three? Come on!