Saturday, June 28, 2008

anniversary





Today is the sixth anniversary of my mother's death. If I was Catholic, or religious at all it would be marked by memorial services. I don't know if I'm glad or not - so far I've liked to let it pass by unmarked: I don't want my wedding anniversary (7 days ago) to be overshadowed by tragedy and horrible memories any more than it already is. I was quite happy with myself for having forgotten about it. That seemed to be a good sign.

I would now like to mark the day a bit, but am not sure how. As she wished to be cremated and have her ashes scattered at sea, I have no grave to visit, and being an earth sign, I like the solidity of having a space to sit, to feel connected to, to talk. I like the idea of a body returning to the earth. In the car the other day, my daughter repeated about how the earth is our mother (her Montessori's music teacher is a free spirited French woman with many many percussive instrument, and flowing coats and died streaks in her hair, and is evidently a Doors fan: 'when we litter, we are hurting out Mother' - ! Cool!). She then deduced, 'and if the Earth is our mother, than you still have a mother, your mother hasn't died.'

My fabulous child. I wrote an essay on Jane Eyre in college basically saying the same thing.

Anyway, my mother loved the water, she felt at one with it when swimming. Once in California she was standing on the rocks at the water's edge, and was swept out by a sudden huge wave which deposited her back again covered in bleeding scratches from the jagged stone. But she felt at home in it, dolphin like. So I can see why it felt right to her to have her ashes scattered. But I don't want to go to the beach to think about her death, I want to go to the beach for my own sake, for my own thoughts. Not to associate it with that. So I'm left a little deficient in the memorial department, perhaps.

So today I have been busy busy, looking after my children, trying to keep things tidier, baking a whole bake stall, the details of which I don't think I'll have time to post here - I have to getup about 5.45 to get to the car boot in Dunlaoighre tomorrow, and get a spot, so everything has to be got ready tonight, including the kids' stuff so their Dad can drop them to their granny on the way to work: he went out for the proverbial couple of pints last night, he and his friend both had to get to work early today (6am for him). He got in at 2am. And he's playing a gig tonight. And working tomorrow, he has to get up with the kids so I can head off early to get a pitch.

Phewf. So no real time for introspection - this is as close as it gets.

12 comments:

Péitseoga said...

if dun laoighre wasn't so bloody far away i'd go to sample the goods! by the way, is there a website with all the car boot sales listed? i went to one in balbriggan before my holidays, and it wasn't great, a lot of dodgy merchandise, like bootleg dvds, despite a lot of gardi around, and a lot of people trying to sell what looked like the complete unsorted and uncleaned contents of somebody's attic...

jothemama said...

If you search, you get a couple sites, but they're really out of date - bootflea, and another I can't remember. Your local paper might have more, I'm sure there's more than Balbriggan around. TheGreystones one is well organised, and grand, and I hear god things about Dun L too -you're definitely too far away though! Unless you could combine it with something else - there's a nice farmer's market in the People's park, and Itsabageland Mao Cafe and a nice home decor shop, Meadows and Byrne up from the Station. Lovely walks along the sea or up the pier.

Péitseoga said...

i'm sorry to hear about your mother, it must have been hard to start your marriage and family without her support.

Péitseoga said...

yum, i like itsabagel, especially the the gourmet veggie, the one with goats cheese and hommous. i must read up on goats cheese, see can i find a website that'll allow me to have it... i have a friend who's from dun laoighre and likes markets, maybe we'll go together, she lives up here now as well.
i tried googling car boots and flea markets but also found info is out of date...
shouldn't you be asleep by now!?

jothemama said...

Groan! I jsut iced a chocolate cake, still have to frost the carrot cupcakeswhich I've made a hundred mistakes with due to tiredness. And wrap the banana bread, pump milk, get kids stuff ready - oh god!

I'm pretty sure you can have goat's cheese, it's fine! It's pasteurised. Anything pasteurised is grand.

WAtch out for the next Joseph's car boot sale, first sunday of next month.

Rechru said...

Sorry about your mother, jothemama. The picture in the older post is gorgeous. Do you ever light candles - if you wanted to mark the anniversary that way. Or go to the beach anyway. Not trying to keep the thoughts separate from the memories ... take your little girl too ... what a sweet thing for a 5-year-old to say!

Holemaster said...

Hey Jo,

I always feel a little sad on my mother's anniversary. I remember the day vividly, sunny, middle of May and snow on the Dublin mountains!

She was a champion cake baker and bread and scones too. She used to arrive early at wakes with her fare so nobody would see her, she didn't seek the praise that the pavlova women wanted. They always arrived in the middle of the wake.

One of her best was Jamaica Ginger Cake. The running joke was to ask her "Did Jamaica Ginger Cake?" "I did" she'd always reply.

jothemama said...

mmm, ginger cake. And ha to the Pavlova women. I do bake so people will love me though, I admit that.

What is my laptop called? What indeed. That would certainly have been a concern of old, but after having children (and getting to name them) you sort of lose the need to personalise things so much, or at least I have. We'll see what she tells me.

morgor said...

I always feel a bit guilty about death anniversaries.

I don't want to be sad so I deliberately don't think about it.

I'm disturbingly good at it, perhaps cos I rarely check the current date.

jothemama said...

I think you're right, morgor, don't feel guilty. As my granny says, 'this world is for the living'.

Someone Living said...

Strange Jo but my parents saw you there I think. They're habitual car booters and I asked them was there anyone selling lovely cakes, described you a bit.

They said they think they saw you, it started to rain and you put up a gazebo. You? If I'd have remembered you were going to be there I would have popped out.

jothemama said...

Yep, that was me. I thought you'd have been too far away - are your parents car booter fans? It's a bit of a strange little world!