Wednesday, July 16, 2008

struggle struggle

It's my baby boy's birthday in a week. I have to sort his party, finish off his toy dog, find a good present that isn't just one more toy in out mountain of toys... and there's this inner deadline of posting his birth story. Which I don't want to write.

Partly because there's a page or so of it on my old computer, which I can't access till I borrow a hard-drive reader yokey from my brother and I sort of need that to kick start me.

But also because I just don't want to. I still feel so negative about it, it's still such a disappointment. The whole year surrounding his birth is just miserable, and I don't want to relive it. Because I hate that it was like that. And he's such a sweet little person despite it all. I'm going to write all about him to balance the negativity around his birth, that's easy - but I need to keep that as a carrot to get me through the other.

However, a small milestone, and one a long time coming, my period returned today. I had had an ovulation pain, now that I think about it, and water retension and food cravings and irritability... mmm, yes, I should have noticed all those signs, the thing is that I get all of them often, except the ovulation pain :)

It's nice timing though - a year, the end of babyness, and I'm back to myself. And he took a step the other day, I missed it, but he stood very sturdily by himself today, so he's on his way.


The Scarlet Tree said...

and i love reading your blog!

jothemama said...

Thankyou, Scarlett Tree!

More about birthdays to follow.

PĂ©itseoga said...

i better not read that story so... i got tracy donegans book and she says not to watch or listen to scary stories... the funny thing is, i used to think i'd be fine even if i need an epidural but now i'm starting to be terrified of any intervention! while at the same time, i have no idea what kind of pain i will be in!

jothemama said...

Ah, no, the birth itself was fine, and not painful. Things just went wong in terms of support and emotional stuff.