Have you all seen the Susan Boyle Britain's Got Talent by now?
Everyone's talking about what a marvellous triumph over cynicism it is. I agree it's moving and she's brilliant and so on. But what I feel most about the whole thing is frustrated rage.
These two unbearably smug men, whose talent is making money through exploitation, and some young blond one who's there for her young blondness alone, I suspect, sneering at this woman because she dares to stand in front of them with frizzy greying hair and middle aged spread and unplucked eyebrows and she's provincial, and dares to be ebullient nonetheless, never mind that she's perfectly well turned out and she's working some high high heels.
And they snigger and sneer, and the girls in the audience look like they might fall off their seats in disgust. Disgust.
For this old woman. Who dares breach this hideous world of fake tan and g strings and teeth whitening and duct taped boobs. She dares to be real, and have confidence and have real talent.
'Everyone was laughing at you', 'Everyone was against you'. What the fuck?
And it turned out they all had to eat humble pie. Which was great.
But you know, what if she hadn't been that great? Then she would have deserved the abuse and dismissal? Because of what she looked like? Because she was 48? And she says 'but that's not all I am' and they look like she's just pissed in their prawn cocktail.
Who know what Susan Boyle was doing when she was 17. She might have been studying. Or looking after her parents. Or stuck in a village learning to sing beautifully in her church choir.
It doesn't matter why she's doing this thing in her late forties. The tragedy of it is that those fuckers, and all the little upstart children in the audience should have respect for this woman.
Because of her grey hair. Because of her age. Because she's a woman. There must have been time when age and experience were respected in their own right, instead of this cult of slutty exploited youth Simon Cowell has propagated.
Alright, I know the whole sneering thing is just part of the act, maybe they'd even heard her already,whatever. But still, 'triumph over cynicism' maybe, but I'm far less cheered by the example of how ingrained the sexist, ageist, lookist values of our society are now. Blithely accepted and lauded.
It doesn't make me look forward to my future as an invisible woman. Or my daughter's, she's going to want a boob job by the time she's 14.