But all the for better for worse, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger stuff... I wasn't strong enough to bear that out. It didn't work.
Somehow we're going to manage splitting up. Axel is going to move a bed into what is now the toy mountain-guitar-computer-room room downstairs this week and we're going to carry on as normal. For now. We haven't said anything to the kids yet. He took off his ring and left it sitting ostentatiously on the bathroom shelf. Seeing it hurt. There's still a little white indent on my swollen ring finger where mine was. I wonder how long it will take to fade back out. It's not like we're not still married. Is it?
The truth is, I have no idea how to go about this. I have no idea if it's ok to visit this upon my children. I am sorry to those of you who've done it, I'm interested in how you make it work, I don't mean to offend but I am scared. Of shaking the foundations of my not yet three year old son's world. Of imprinting uncertainty into his view of life, of himself. Of taking too much away.
I really have no answers, for now. I hope things become clearer. Several people over the last few years have automatically told me to leave if I wasn't happy. I don't really see how you can tell someone that. It has to be right. I hope this turns into the right thing. Right now the weight of the failure of my dreams for the future is heavy, and miserable.
Sorry to anyone reading this for the first time who'd rather hear it from me. It's difficult to heap it on people. I've already made my cousin cry.
I have been feeling so trapped, so miserable of late. I see other people's happy pictures, read their stories of sex and love and sweetness and am so aware of what I don't have. If it was just us, breaking apart, then I could see the place for celebration and divorce cake and new starts. But the breaking apart of a family is something entirely different. It feels like lives hang in the balance.
I wish it wasn't my anniversary so soon. I just don't know what to do with it.
22 comments:
Oh Jo, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Hugs that amount to an entire snuggle party xxx
Thanks, honey. Hope you're doing ok.
i am so so sorry jo :( wish i had more and better words for you. big hug!
One footfall at a time and eventually, the new path will have been made.
Sending love.
Thanks, Ladies.
That's lovely, Mary.
Oh Jo, what a big thing for you and your family. I'm thinking of you. I'm sure you wouldn't be doing this if it didn't feel "more right" than the alternative.
Email me if you would like to chat about it. x
Waah. So sorry.
No 'advice', just I do gut-feel it will be alright.
You are good people, you'll make sure the kids are ok.
Jo-
Don't know what to say, but I feel deeply for you and your family. As your friends above say, follow your gut.
xxxx
Hey Jo,
For what it's worth, I've had a similar experience. It wasn't even a conscious decision at first, it was just a build up of small adaptations, moving into seperate rooms etc.
The funny thing is that we became better parents as time went on I think, and through that we've got some of the way back to where we were. We just became more relaxed and friendlier with each other, so even if we never "get back together" again, our relationship is more honest and less stressed.
Xbox is right, you are good people, and you'll find a way.
I wish you all the best
Jo..i m a long time fan but too shy to comment now today I just want to wrap you up and feed you tea and choclate..you are so gorgeous and your children are lucky to have you as their mam..life is just plain shite sometimes but we manage to soldier on..cos we know somehow that ALL will be alright eventually..big big hug
That's incredibly sweet, thank you. So glad you commented, always comment, we live for the commenting. But I really appreciate it for this post too.
I'm crying too Jo. lots of your words resonate with me, and the anniversay's and the rings, and the little people in our world with the responsibilities the bring.
Hope we can chat on Sat.....
PS..I didnt mean to be anon..just pressed a wrong button ..I ll get the hang of this yet..
Hi Jo, So sorry to hear that. It's an incredibly hard thing to have to handle, especially with kids. As long as you both feel that it's the right thing to do then you're on the right path. Just letting you know that I'm thinking of you.
Jo,
So sorry.
I know what you mean. I am worrying about my damn chihuahuas dealing with Susie and me breaking up and living apart. I've been thinking through this whole thing, my God, what if we had KIDS? But really, I think they will be okay. You both will make sure that are. You need to be well and happy and whole to be their mama all the way and in the best way. So really good for you for being so brave.
Hugs and steadying thoughts.
Jo - love, strength, healing, and serenity to you. Hugs and love.
Thanks, everyone. Lovely, Emerald.
Jo,
I'm very sorry that you are going through this.
You're a smart, strong, sensitive woman, and you will find your way. The unknown is always frightening, but as you move down that path, you'll find your way.
I've known couples who "stay together for the children," but this usually doesn't benefit the children if the union is not strong -- if the couple is not happy. So don't worry about what you're taking away, but think what you are giving, and have given, your son.
It sounds cliche, but I believe that if you're true to yourself, things work out for the best.
Craig
XBox already said it - if you worry about your children's best interests first & foremost, it will all work out.
[Craig makes a good point about to thine ownself be true as well.]
One day at a time... Hang in there!
So sorry to hear this. It must be heartbreaking, but you will survive.
The children will be better off when both mom and dad are happier. They are not losing a daddy anyway in all of this.
You will have new (and better) dreams to fulfill. Best of luck, Jo! BIG HUG!!
I'm really sorry. thanks for talking today.
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