cuddling

I just happened across the concept of cuddle parties, and cuddling as being the new, most-ridiculed fetish.

I know fetishes don't have to be sexual, but cuddling doesn't seem particularly fetishy to me.

Here is a video documenting the adventures of an alarmed little black journalist going to check out a somewhat odd desert cuddle party. She's not so open minded going in :)

I'm not sure this one is representative of the general idea, tbh. Toe sucking does not seem kosher at all, at all. I dare you to watch the whole thing with the sound on - the cringe factor is exceedingly high. The stuff Americans can say without irony never ceases to amaze me.

However.

There are interesting discussions and perspectives in the comments.

Here's the thing. People are social, physical mammals, but over the years we've invented repression and personal space and all sorts of hangups. And the idea of sitting round in groups grooming each other have long disappeared. For adults, at least. But I agree, we need that contact, we need that oxytocin flow, the grounding, the recharging. The graph that shows how a child's physical contact with their parent declines once  they stop breastfeeding is really sad. The weirdy cuddlers in this vid do highlight the plight of western cultures that don't include a lot of casual touch, and the effect it has.

Lots of commenters are stressed out by the very idea of touching a stranger, and I know a lot of people who feel like that too. But I'm sorry we're all so afraid of each other. So terrified of contact. Isn't it a bit ... you know?

I'm not saying I'm thrilled at the idea of going to cuddle strangers. No. That doesn't seem to be the way forward. But I love all the people who say they used to go to lots of parties and dvd nights that would dissolve into cuddle puddles by the end. I said above that adults no longer do the grooming thing, but when I was a teenager, I found myself in an extended group of friends who touched a lot - there was much hugging and embracing and celebrating of coming-together on all possible occasions, and it was So Nice. You see kids doing each other's hair, and hugging and lounging on each other's laps and touching a lot. We knew something then, we knew the value of it. We recognised the need and met it for each other. I'm really grateful for that.

As a teenager, I had an abundance of need of affection, because, well, I didn't get that much as a kid, really. And sadly it's never really gone away. And as you may know, I married a man who didn't like physical contact much. Which wasn't so clever. So as an adult, you're reduced to grabbing your children too tight, and thinking 'Love Me!' which isn't so healthy for them (or you) really, now, is it. I have to confess, I would love to have the sort of friend group who still hung out in a heap on the sofa with duvets, and gave each other hand massages. I love when my friend cuts my hair, the cool, deft, competent feel of her touch and her movements. Any sort of massage is the best gift available. Sadly, cuddles from women don't really do it enough for me, I have that anima/animus-thing where I yearn for a manly chest to sink into more than a soft curvy one.

There's a lot to laugh (and cringe or shudder) at in the video, but generally, I'm all for the idea of finding someone to cuddle you. Let the oxytocin flow.