I would have all the video games I ever wanted! Olivia continues gleefully and I reassure my son that tomorrow we'll go to the airport and pick up his father.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
my children, my self
So I'm sitting in the car driving home from Despicable Me, and I'm in my oft-thought motorway reverie, dreaming of another life, and Olivia says, I wish I had an invention that made whatever you want appear in front of you - and pouf! for a second my passenger seat is full of 6'5" worth of green eyed goodness, that disappears again instantly as Bodhi says, I would go to Dad, and I see his sad little missing-his-Dad face in the rearview mirror.
I would have all the video games I ever wanted! Olivia continues gleefully and I reassure my son that tomorrow we'll go to the airport and pick up his father.
I would have all the video games I ever wanted! Olivia continues gleefully and I reassure my son that tomorrow we'll go to the airport and pick up his father.
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6 comments:
All through the bad times, I kept remembering how much my kids loved their dad. This was not some monstrous abuser that we all needed to escape, but a simple, gentle man who was just no longer right for me.
As a whole generation of children begin to settle in at University, in many homes, full separations will come into force. So many parents who have been waiting for the children to be off their hands so they can pursue the lives they have dreamed of for a number of years.
This is rather heart-breaking and I know how it feels. I do.
Sending love, Jo.
conflict of interest, your label pierced me too. how difficult. hang in there, all of you.
Interesting post. This goes both ways. I am a man who is struggling to live my life for my 5yr old son (love of my life) to ensure the world he knows stays as he knows it. Yet 8hrs away is the second love of my life. We returned to each other's lives after 21yrs. High School sweethearts who were too young to understand the love and passion we felt for each other.
Older and wiser we have both found that the love we had for each other never left. We both spent 21yrs wondering and desiring the other.
Now we found each other in situations that prevent us from being together. Our love for our children, for each other's children keeps us apart. It is the right thing to do, now. Mine is very young. Her's are older but naive with youth.
We are similar in just about every way. From the gum we chew to the views we have. Even our spouses appear to be the male and female versions of the same person. The similarities are overwhelming to both of us.
We both recognize this as a rare level of love. I would seriously question anyone who professes otherwise. Not out of disrespect just because I struggle to grasp the extent to which we feel it.
Yet we live our lives for our kids. As a result the pain is intense. If one believes in paths we are both demanding to know where this one leads.
I ask everyone, how does one reconcile the love for another when you can't love the one you should. She is a good woman and a good mother and does not deserve this. However she is not for me. We are incredibly different. Her lack of appreciation at one point opened this door for "The One" to return. Although truthfully, that door would have been opened to her regardless. She is willing to accept mediocrity for the sake of keeping me and I hold that against her. I want her to find the guy who will be what she wants. She settles for me because I with hold myself. She tolerates it. I don't want her to. I want her to fight. I don't want her to end this on my behalf. I just want her prepared for when I go. I must go, this is my life I am talking about. To stay would be my ruination.
Can I hold out for 13yrs till he graduates? I want to for him. Yet is is not fair that she spend 13yrs with someone who will no longer love her like she deserves.
That is my struggle.
I have no idea what the answer is, Dane. It sounds like you should introduce your spouses...
Separation is terrifying, in terms of kids and upheaval. So is the alternative though. I suppose you'll keep going until you reach a breaking point, and then you'll do it anyway? Maybe the time will just become more right.
It's hard. I'm sorry.
Thanks for the reply. It was more a rhetorical quesiton.
About the spouses. That actually gets discussed A LOT. Mostly because it would be easy on me and T. Niether wants to hurt our spouses although hers likely deserves it. He ahs just done some wrongs that many women would have walked (or shot him).
For that reason I would not set my wife up with him. To some regard as much as they are a lot alike my wife would sense the same things T does and ultimately would not be happy with him.
Dane
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