You know when you know someone newly, still too freshly to have appreciated their bad points, their weaknesses and defensivenesses and insecurities, their foibles and flaws. And all you see is their friendliness, their sweetness and talent, their humour and the comfort or excitement of being better in their company?
It can't last forever, that state, it can't endure much intimacy, much interaction. There will always be a clash that sparks off your own weaknesses and defenses and insecurities - or even more so, your disappointment at the falling pedestals, that this person is just another human person after all, not the standard of perfection you so hoped they'd help you attain.
People don't like to let you exist long in that bubble of fresh liking, do they? They see what's coming, and think they might as well rip the sticking plaster off. But it's a good place to be, that uncynical, accepting, enthusiastic place. Sure, the crash is coming. But enjoy the float while it lasts, I think. Try not to resent the person when you notice their clay feet.
I think there's something to be learned from that open, pure, positive state of simple appreciating of someone. From that hope for a friendship. The untarnished reaching out of one to another. Maybe that's what the bite of the apple did. It spoiled our appreciation of each other and made us annoyed by laughs, and teeth and sniffing, mannerisms and the like. Made us intolerant of baggage, and ... each other. Nearly everyone loves a newborn. Everyone accepts them in their perfect potential. Perhaps that's the value of new friendship, it's a brief brief chance to be unequivocally accepted and appealing again.
13 comments:
oh my god, you have me sobbing here. when you write from your soul, your womb, you shine and shine and shine.
love and hugs
Oh Tatty. I think you read something differnt in this than I put into it. I hope you're ok. Hugs* xx
Oh gosh.
You are so good at the emotional intelligence thing, Jo. And I'm not, I need to see it written down, so your posts open my eyes to new ways of looking at the world.
Thank you for being wise and still nice.
Thank you Janine. And Tatty too, of course. It was a relief to have a moment of wisdom, they seem light on the ground these days!
Oh I do love this... So true.
Never thought of it like that either. So true!
I was InterRailing with a German friend once, and halfway through the second week she got really angry with me "because she thought I was more intellectual" than I turned out to be. Because I didn't want to see old churches and museums all day long. Only half the day. Because I was also interested in parks and cafes and general foreign life. It shook me. We agreed to continue as before, but to half half days to ourselves so she could go and see every single obscure painting in every town and I could talk to the locals for a bit.
Lovely post.
See, mwa, everyone is just a little bit nuts, really. Going on holiday with freinds is deeply risky.
yes. a nice well written post.
A mate of mine doesn't do relationships cos he only likes girls at the start when they're all shiny and new.
Going on holiday with friends is deeply risky.
But if you're lucky you find "holiday buddies" among your circle that you know will tolerate the same insane number of churches/museums/early morning trips to ruins that you will, and won't piss each other off even after two weeks. Mr Ashbless and I have ... 3. (And even then, we split up amicably at art galleries because I am sort of interested in modern stuff and H wants to do Baroque putti.)
And, thinking about it, we've known these people for over twenty years. So not all friendship is ephemeral or fragile.
Oh god, of course, Janine, I didn't mean to suggest that solid lasting friendship can't exist, of course it does.
Amen.
your writing is a gorgeous, sparkling gem. You have nailed it so well.
It's nice too to find mega tolerant types who aren't afraid to be messy and real and easily put up with our own imperfections. Italians are nice like that. It's very rude if you don't share your baggage, and weep.
What a lovely comment! I love the Italian bit too. I would fit in so well there!
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