I just read this post.
It's about why it's difficult for men to approach women they don't know, essentially because all women are terrified of being raped and murdered.
Because of how high rape statistics are.
I don't quite know how to react to it. All the comments seem to be in total agreement with her sentiments.
I don't think like this. I never did, thinking back. But then, I suppose I was still so young, when I was single, that my peers were too young to be creepy or intimidating. In the main.
And then I was cloistered in a serious relationship, and so not so much approached. For a long time.
And now, I'm not out and about by myself, or, to be honest, out and about at all. So maybe that's the only reason why.
I'm still not sure I'd think like this. That men are to be feared because they're potential rapists. I just don't know. Safety is good, yes, I can't deny that. But this post saddened me.
I'd like to know how men respond to it.
It's about why it's difficult for men to approach women they don't know, essentially because all women are terrified of being raped and murdered.
Because of how high rape statistics are.
I don't quite know how to react to it. All the comments seem to be in total agreement with her sentiments.
I don't think like this. I never did, thinking back. But then, I suppose I was still so young, when I was single, that my peers were too young to be creepy or intimidating. In the main.
And then I was cloistered in a serious relationship, and so not so much approached. For a long time.
And now, I'm not out and about by myself, or, to be honest, out and about at all. So maybe that's the only reason why.
I'm still not sure I'd think like this. That men are to be feared because they're potential rapists. I just don't know. Safety is good, yes, I can't deny that. But this post saddened me.
I'd like to know how men respond to it.
12 comments:
I think it's probably highly significant that this woman lives in New York City. That may make a difference. I wouldn't like to be approached in a dark NY alley at night either. And she's obviously obsessed. She even says it - she thinks about it "all the time."
Having said that, I would not like to be approached by a weird man if I was in the dark on my own. Except maybe if I was in my house and the strange man was Babes. (Sorry, I'm in a silly mood today. Everything up to that was serious, though.)
First, I agree with MWA. The mindset of a woman, or man, in a big city for that matter, is probably much more suspicious of others than someone in a dinky town.
Though I agree that women should be careful, especially with someone they don't know well, it seems that the author of that piece will never really trust anyone.
There are some bad people out there, but we can't go around assuming everyone is guilty until proven innocent.
I kind of feel sad for the writer of the post. Maybe she experienced something that scared her and she can't get past it.
Yeah,, Craig, Mwa put it perfectly (and ever so cleverly) after, when she pointed out that in a small place like Ireland, you know what to expect , and how to deal with the various types of people you encounter, with whom you're familiar. It's so homogenous, or at least, it was.
Somewhere like New York, it's all an unknown quantity, I suppose.
I've never not approached a woman because I worry she's afraid I might do her harm.
That's 1 side of how I read that.
The other is how so much of that post is utter, utter nonsense, and a sure sign the author has bigger issues than a few comments will help resolve. Maybe due to her environment, I don't know.
I'd go through them one by one but it would irritate me far too much.
Yeah, I expected that reaction.
And yet, looking at the statistics she cites, you can see how she translates them into fear of threat.
I'm not sure I can exactly blame her.
How will we feel about about our daughters when they're old enough to be out on their own, meeting new people - would we encourage them to chat to the men who approach them on the train, on the walk home, in the bar?
Yes and no, I suppose is my answer.
I did think that Andrew Dworkin 'man as potential rapist' concept had died a death some time ago though.
I hope my daughter would have the sense to not label someone tattooed, or wearing a novelty t-shirt as a potential rapist because of their appearance or attire.
I hope she can read between the lines and be as safe and as approachable as possible, however conflicting that may be.
I dearly hope she is never of the opinion people owe her respect simply because she has spoken, rather than for what she actually says.
I think you nailed it in the post actually, it's all quite sad.
Ruf and many of his friends are tattooed or pierced and wear novelty t-shirts. You just can't judge a book by the cover, particularly over such a sensitive issue.
Personal safety is about learning to read the signals and not putting yourself into positions of danger.
The trouble is that statistics can put the fear of God up you.
In fairness, she means t shirts with rape jokes on them. But, yes, to the rest. It's true. And some of us actively pursue those men with tattooes :)
Jeebus, I feel sorry for her.
I wonder about those rape statistics, well not that i'm questioning them, more i wonder is it specific areas and social groups that are afflicted by 90% of this.
Ah anyway, i'm tired and i'm gonna go home and maybe get a beer.
I read that article some months ago - I think it's awesome. Terribly terribly sad, but awesome.
And I'd suggest that if you are a man who reads an article in which a woman explains why she is afraid of you, a stranger, and your gut response is "But I'm a nice guy! That's so unfair! - There must be something wrong with her. How dare she? How DARE she be afraid of me? I'm personally insulted! I'm ANGRY!" - then not only are you not listening, but - regardless of the accuracy of the statistics she quoted - YOU are a part of the problem, and not a part of the solution.
And if you think your right to talk to someone overrides their right to feel safe, you've just proved the author's point.
We're about 2 steps away from calling someone Hitler I reckon.
So if you ARE a threat to women you're a threat to women, and if you're NOT & profess your status as such, you are a threat to women.
Hehehe.
Don't get me wrong. I see what she's saying. I just think that it's good that most women don't feel that threatened all of the time. It seems to me that she is effectively paranoid.
Although I'm a cynic in some ways I think that at heart I'm an optimist in most.
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