Friday, April 8, 2011


Ohhhh, I am an aged crock of an unfit fat woman.

I've been being good, the last week or so. I am eating (virtually) no sugar. I am reaquainting myself with vegetables and fruit and actual meals. I am cooking things and not comfort eating snacking . Nor am I biting my nails or pulling my hair out.

Today I wasn't sure if Bodhi's Granny was going to pick him up, so I walked down to make sure. For the first time in a winter of sitting around on the computer and working in bed and not excercising.Then I walked up the evil hill that I've never got used to walking up in all my year living in and hanging round in this town and to Tesco where I wandered round and waited and waited at the checkout and walked home and sat down and then when I stood up again my legs were jelly. And THEN my hips had an attack of old lady because I haven't walked in so long and also because I put my sandals on for the first time since last summer and the shift in level has done me in and I'm walking like a crone with a broken pelvis. I'll be 35 this month. The fucking state of me. So, anyway, the health effort will continue before I degenerate any further.

In happier news, what did I do today? Well, I collected my daughter from school and sneaked around behind me and surprised me and burst out laughing, and then we went shopping for clothes and she tried everything on, and even suggested some shoes and we bought lots of t-shirts, and there was no fussing or fighting or screaming or sulking and we had an immensely pleasant time. The kids bought shades, because Olivia spotted kiddie Jackie O ones across the counter and begged for then and she looks so fantastic in them I might just post a picture tomorrow of her in them, after she's been washed. We came home and had sweet potato pancakes, outdoors, at her suggestion, and she's currently making birthday cards for her friends and singing to herself.

I'm terrified to say this out loud, but recently there have been no hysterical fights and meanness, she's been doing lots of arty activity and is very proud of herself, she's been getting dressed without a fuss. Her friend who rejected her has drifted back to his little bromance and ignores her when he's playing with his mate, and her other old friend ditches her every so often - but the other day, rather than acting out and refusing to go to school etc etc she stated clearly that she was angry with both of them for dumping her, because it was such a mean thing to do.

I have no illusions, I know this may not last, but the girl is so much happier and more settled than she was. I think the remedy she's on now is working nicely and long may it all continue. It helps too that Axl is devoting so much more time to both kids and making a lot more effort. And tidying too, thank god. We're keeping things moderately clean at the moment. I know these little things are the norm for most people, but I am deeply deeply grateful for this little hiatus in the constant aggro, at least. It's so good to see her smiling more.


Ms. Moon said...

Small and wonderful blessings.

Jo said...

No, no, it's huge. Enormous! And I know it's incredibly foolish to actually say it to anyone. Touch Wood Touch Wood.

Bethany said...

Yes huge. I get it.
You too are similarly wonderful and moving forward, smiling...
keep walking those hills girlfriend.

Anonymous said...

Oh Jo, I remember those days when some of their friends would suddenly stop playing with them for a while, and how bewildered and hurt they'd be.
It's great that she's taking it well and smiling, hope she keeps it up.
And dear fellow commenters, I've seen Jo, don't mind her, she's a babe.

morgor said...

keep up the walking Jo.
Exercise makes you happier and gives you much more energy in the long run.
I've taken to running 5k twice a week with a mate of mine around the botanical gardens.
Has the added lure of all the lycra clad girls jogging around :)

Hopefully all goes well with Olivia too, why not bring the kids for walks to drain them of energy too?
Or is it still freezing back home?

Jo said...

No, it's lovely! Sunny! Warm!

I will up the excercise with the kids, but the challenge is that it doesn't so much drain them of energy as fill them with whinging.

Janine Ashbless said...

Oh, I'm so glad to read this about Olivia. Got my fingers crossed for her.

Mwa said...

I'm so glad for all that happy news.

I'm not sure what you describe is "normal" for that many people. Maybe the facade suggests it, but when you scratch at the surface?