Sunday, May 8, 2011

little lift

I'm finding it really hard to have any self belief these days, with all the fear and fuck ups and failure and lack of prospects. But I just gave an English grind to a sweet, over-achiever girl who's lost her nerve a bit and is uncertain how to approach things like composition writing.

So we went through a process, and she learned how to think differently, and how to structure and shape things, and by the time I was leaving, she was all enlightened and excited and ready to sit down and have a go herself. And I left with that buzz, that feeling of success and of something having worked really well. And the knowledge that I am good at this, I do have something to offer, if only I could get the chance to do it for a living. I like it, I care about it, I just wish I could have the chance to do it more often.

I know it works both ways, I know how the bad days when nothing worked feel too... and that really, you should probably ignore both ends of the experience and not believe your own hype any more than you should believe yourself a failure when it goes wrong. Still, it was good to affirm that little bit of talent again. 


Ms. Moon said...

Why is it so hard for us to embrace out successes and claim them as our own while at the same time, we accept the things we feel we fail at as our true selves?

Mwa said...

You should believe it. You did well. And it is a great feeling.