Tuesday, June 21, 2011

midsummer

Today is the Summer Solstice. It's raining. Or, well, maybe just threatening to.

It's also my wedding anniversary, or was. It's making me feel anxious, and like I have a dirty, shameful secret.

My parents got married on Halloween, for some reason. As far as I know, they didn't celebrate their anniversary. I guess I didn't really notice that they didn't.

I'm glad Axl's away this week. It's easier.


I got a text from a friend yesterday, someone I knew as a kid and met again recently when Bodhi started playschool. We don't see each other much, but I like her. She's had some post natal depression issues, she said, and she and her husband are doing the living-together-but-apart thing. She said she's happy with her own company and a partner to raise the kids - but her husband tried to kill himself on Saturday night and her 4 year old daughter found him on Sunday morning, Father's Day.

Ach. It's horrible. It's hard not to judge. Not that I don't feel sympathy too, and understanding. I am very grateful, that I feel no urge to leave a corpse behind for my children to find on Mother's Day, though. Very grateful.



http://rudegarden.blogspot.com/2010/08/landscape-of-summer-solstice-by-paul.html

5 comments:

catherine said...

Big Hug ..glad you re here :)

Ms. Moon said...

There is so much pain in this world and mostly, we know nothing of it until someone does something like that.
Oh Jo.

Birdie said...

For many years I heard that suicide was for cowards and the most selfish act a person can do...until I went through depression myself and found out. I was so unwell during that time and all my decisions were based on a severe chemical imbalance and a life going sideways. But yes, even though it was very, very bad for me a times I never would have taken my life because my love for my children kept me going. I never wanted to leave them that legacy. And to do it when my own children could have found me is incomprehensible. Imagine the weight of a child having to deal with that for the rest of her life.And on Father's day? Any child would blame herself.
At any rate, depression is a cold, nasty and insidious black thing and I would not wish it one anyone. I really hope that this man gets the help he needs. I hope he finds healing. I hope he finds wellness.

As a new reader to your blog I do not know what is happening in your own marriage and life but from your post I know your heart is heavy and sad. I send you good energy so you too can heal. Namaste.

Jo said...

Oh, god, Birdie, I know, believe me. I firmly believe that it's not selfishness, though the act is selfish in itself... I think a flip switches, for it to make sense and seem like the best thing to do. This is why I'm grateful!

Mwa said...

I always wonder about that switch. How it's flipped, why, could it happen to me or anyone near me.