Tuesday, June 21, 2011


Today is the Summer Solstice. It's raining. Or, well, maybe just threatening to.

It's also my wedding anniversary, or was. It's making me feel anxious, and like I have a dirty, shameful secret.

My parents got married on Halloween, for some reason. As far as I know, they didn't celebrate their anniversary. I guess I didn't really notice that they didn't.

I'm glad Axl's away this week. It's easier.

I got a text from a friend yesterday, someone I knew as a kid and met again recently when Bodhi started playschool. We don't see each other much, but I like her. She's had some post natal depression issues, she said, and she and her husband are doing the living-together-but-apart thing. She said she's happy with her own company and a partner to raise the kids - but her husband tried to kill himself on Saturday night and her 4 year old daughter found him on Sunday morning, Father's Day.

Ach. It's horrible. It's hard not to judge. Not that I don't feel sympathy too, and understanding. I am very grateful, that I feel no urge to leave a corpse behind for my children to find on Mother's Day, though. Very grateful.



catherine said...

Big Hug ..glad you re here :)

Ms. Moon said...

There is so much pain in this world and mostly, we know nothing of it until someone does something like that.
Oh Jo.

Birdie said...

For many years I heard that suicide was for cowards and the most selfish act a person can do...until I went through depression myself and found out. I was so unwell during that time and all my decisions were based on a severe chemical imbalance and a life going sideways. But yes, even though it was very, very bad for me a times I never would have taken my life because my love for my children kept me going. I never wanted to leave them that legacy. And to do it when my own children could have found me is incomprehensible. Imagine the weight of a child having to deal with that for the rest of her life.And on Father's day? Any child would blame herself.
At any rate, depression is a cold, nasty and insidious black thing and I would not wish it one anyone. I really hope that this man gets the help he needs. I hope he finds healing. I hope he finds wellness.

As a new reader to your blog I do not know what is happening in your own marriage and life but from your post I know your heart is heavy and sad. I send you good energy so you too can heal. Namaste.

Jo said...

Oh, god, Birdie, I know, believe me. I firmly believe that it's not selfishness, though the act is selfish in itself... I think a flip switches, for it to make sense and seem like the best thing to do. This is why I'm grateful!

Mwa said...

I always wonder about that switch. How it's flipped, why, could it happen to me or anyone near me.