I'm being tortured by my 9 year old daughter and her afflictions.
I'm vibrating with anxiety.
I can't seem to work out how to do my job, I can't remember anything and I keep making the same mistakes over and over. I would love a job I didn't have to think about in between going home and going back. I've been trying to prepare for tomorrow for hours, it's nearly midnight and I still don't know what I'm doing. I think I'm going to get found out and fired any moment.
Olivia is upstairs screaming with a sudden earache - I went up to her because she'd been coughing a lot, now I wish I hadn't because it might not have come on if I hadn't disturbed her. I wish she was the responsibility of someone who knew what to do with her. I wish she hadn't chosen me in all my helplessness.
I'm sick of being shouted at every time I try to help. I'm sick of listening to screaming and crying. I wish the ibuprofen would kick in and she'd stop.
I feel sick with worry going to work each morning but today I sat there after class not wanting to go home.
I wish I could go on a sort of oblivion holiday from myself and my life.Why has no one thought of that yet?
I'm vibrating with anxiety.
I can't seem to work out how to do my job, I can't remember anything and I keep making the same mistakes over and over. I would love a job I didn't have to think about in between going home and going back. I've been trying to prepare for tomorrow for hours, it's nearly midnight and I still don't know what I'm doing. I think I'm going to get found out and fired any moment.
Olivia is upstairs screaming with a sudden earache - I went up to her because she'd been coughing a lot, now I wish I hadn't because it might not have come on if I hadn't disturbed her. I wish she was the responsibility of someone who knew what to do with her. I wish she hadn't chosen me in all my helplessness.
I'm sick of being shouted at every time I try to help. I'm sick of listening to screaming and crying. I wish the ibuprofen would kick in and she'd stop.
I feel sick with worry going to work each morning but today I sat there after class not wanting to go home.
I wish I could go on a sort of oblivion holiday from myself and my life.Why has no one thought of that yet?
6 comments:
welcome back to reality eh ?? bet it feels like you were never away..god jo, work sounds really stressful..are you getting a break from it for the summer ? and i hear you on the battle with kids..i spent last weekend on that rollercoaster and started really doubting my parenting skills..I ve decided to just choose my battles from now on and not to take it so personally..I also think it was because I was feeling shit myself..everything seems harder..there ll always be good and bad days..the weekend's coming and some sun hopefully..all is ok :)
I made it throught today anyway, Catherine, wasn't so sure I would this morning.
Hang in there, Jo! Sounds like you've got a nasty case of Post Holiday Syndrome. It will pass.
Nope, it's not that - the holiday was all part of it, sadly, thanks to our little mini-saboteur. Still... made it through today. Just have to get some work done and try to sleep at a sensible hour tonight, and tomorrow might be better.
Can I please escape with you for a short while?
Hi Jo, sonja here
Parenting is like torture sometimes. I am in Rio at the moment at UN negotiations that are going on 15 hours a day in a hostile and underhand atmosphere, getting 4 hours sleep - and its a picnic in comparison to mothering frankly.
Olivia is blessed to have you as her mother. There is no easy way to parent a complex, analytical and deep-feeling child except to just keep being there I think.
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