Thursday, September 20, 2012

I'm searching for an ultrasoft toothbrush for my daughter, who can no longer tolerate the feeling of her toothbrush bristles. So she's stopped brushing her teeth. Went to the dentist yesterday, her hygiene is terrible (surprise surprise) and she has two more cavities coming. She doesn't care. She angrily rejected all the brushes in the chemist today, because she didn't like the colours. How much money will I spend on random toothbrushes, and toothbrushes ordered in six packs from the US off Amazon, before I find one she'll use? Care to take bets? Donations of incredibly soft toothbrushes welcome, in case you come across any...

She needs braces, the dentist reckons, and suggests an early consultation with the orthodontist. Who won't take her till she's had her teeth cleaned, the dentist says, understandably. Braces will cost around four grand. How does anyone afford them?

I failed to follow up on the State hygienist appointment last year, I now remember.

Ironically, I only remembered the check up because I was driving past the clinic on the way to the Supermarket, where I was being pestered for a chocolate bar, and giving in because she actually tried, and worked in school yesterday after a couple days of total non co operation.

As we haven't got a diagnosis yet, the school can't apply for special needs hours for her this year, as the deadline is now. So she won't get any individual attention for the rest of the year. Her teacher seems frightened to deal with her rages at school (she was really well behaved up to this year, but now she's bringing her home-behaviour to school). I can't really blame the teacher, I'm frightened of them too. She's going to make the teacher and all of the rest of the kids hate her acting like this.

I suck at parenting, and I suck even harder at parenting a child with special needs. I always said I wouldn't be able for it, and here I am, not.

I am in endless awe of the parents who see their special needs children as blessings. This is feeling like a significant punishment at the moment. I know I'm probably not allowed to say that, but believe me, there's a lot of things I'm not saying too.

I'm going to go wash up and hoover. I'm going out tonight, to a Cake Evening in aid of Hospice. I'm going to run away from my daughter's rotting teeth and rotten attitude and misery and my own total inadequacy and drown my feelings in cake and conversation. I'm really good at that. 


Catherine said...

Think you give yourself too hard a time..sounds like you re doing all this on your own , with a very difficult situation..I don't know anyone who doesn't suck at parenting at some stage or other's a battleground !! go have loads of deserve some sweetness x. Ps I,ll keep a look out for the toothbrush

Jo said...

I had a lovely night, and I got a lovely hug from the nicest man in the country, and he is cuddly.