She was so excited. For months, since she swapped a toy bow with her friend, and we saw Brave. And then she found out there were archery lessons, and had to wait to months. And today was the day, and she was so excited.

And we got there early... and they heard all the rules. And then arrows were passed out, and she had to put on an arm guard. It didn't fit right, was awkward, she was getting stressed and the man who helped us put it on really tight... and the quiver was meant to loop onto her waistband, which she didn't have as she's wearing her Halloween costume that's the only thing she'll wear. So they gave her a string to hang it on, but she ended up with it round her neck instead of round her shoulder, and it rubbed her neck raw, as these things do. And at the same time, she couldn't handle the arm guard pushing into the soft skin beneath the inside of her elbow and it all fell apart - she realised she couldn't deal with it, and she hurt, and she was embarrassed and so disappointed and she sat on the floor and cried, she wanted to go home, she wanted to go home.

I was lucky in that one of the teachers seemed to suggest he has similar sensory issues and tried to do all he could to help, and to encourage. But she didn't get to shoot a bow. She wouldn't let herself, couldn't handle the thing in the way.

And on the way home, she said, I want to be normal, why did you give birth to someone who wasn't normal?

And I drove through the rain and the dark and concentrated on keeping the car on the road. And I wish I knew. I wish I knew what went wrong, exactly what bit of all the things that were going on during her conception and gestation that brought this challenge to us.

Before I committed to her pregnancy fully, I told her. I told her I couldn't promise to look after her properly at that time and that she should go if she wanted to, that it wasn't the right time. I asked her to go, but she stayed, and look at this... look at this mess of us.