Wednesday, November 6, 2013

We gave Olivia a laptop and didn't regulate her computer use, and now she stays up watching stuff on it half the night and convinces herself she needs it to help her go asleep. Predictably. She didn't do her homework today - I thought she'd do it while I was out at a grind, but she forgot. Then did her usual thing of ignoring my call for bedtime prep. For an hour and a half.

I lost my temper when she started freaking out and took her computer away, so she freaked out ten times more. I pushed her up the stairs to try and stop her SCREAMING right outside Bodhi's door, and she got hurt, and SCREAMED more. Derry the dog saved the day by being all concerned and protective and staying upstairs with her. This is a good thing. Asperger Dog! Axl has

Anyway, I'm not saying all this to moan about that - these sort of incidents used to happen twice a day, now it's far less often (though that's partly because I don't make her do much, path of least resistance etc., but however...) so we're grateful for that. No, I was thinking of a different thing - I got out of the car tonight after getting home from my grind (tutoring, US people), and had one of those moments of optimistic cheer, spontaneous elation for no reason at all. Despite the fact I'd just been talking to a former student who is now being headhunted by all four big banks and may one day buikd her own house-with-a-pool. I am truly embarrassed by my lack of success.) I think it's what normal people feel much of the time... one might even term it happiness. I enjoyed it a lot. Then, of course, tonight... Olivia seems to react in an equal and opposite direction when I have these rare moments of content. That could be... not true, of course. It just feels like that. I think most of my life I've felt wary of feeling too happy. It's such a dangerous lure to succumb to. Cliff edge! 

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