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boys

I was feeding my 8 1/2 month old baby boy before bed tonight, and kissing his little feet, and pressing one against my eye, and my mouth, as you do, and it suddenly struck me that he was going to grow and stretch into a big hairy man, and the tiny little squishy foot that just covers my mouth will one day be longer than my whole face - and the chances are slim that I'll be wanting to press that size 10, 11, 12? foot to me anymore!

I don't feel that sense of shock about my daughter so much, perhaps because she's so womanly - it's easy to see her as a teenager, as a woman, where her curves are going to fill out. The attitude is certainly there.

But while there are glimpses of the man in my teeny Mr Smallman, he's still pretty much squidgy little not-quite-toddler (the baby is pretty much gone - sob!).

The way children grow fascinates me. When my daughter was a baby I couldn't imagine her at the age she is now, and now her babyhood seems so far away. She's reaching higher almost every day.

I wonder if the otherness of a child who's the opposite sex to you makes person they will be more mysterious? The concept of him growing heavy bone and strong muscle, and elongating, growing hair everywhere is miraculous, astonishing. Mind you, my first boyfriend was so pretty, his skin was like silk and velvet (though that was at fifteen, I'm sure he's lost his untouched glow by now), thinking back, he reminded me of the Anne Rice novels about the Taltos, the race of people who are born fully conscious and grow to adulthood minutes after birth. He was smooth and sweet like a baby quickly stretched into a teenage boy's burgeoning strength and height and, well, all the rest. The gorgeous boy.

I'm so looking forward to having a teenage son, who embodies all that male beauty, holds within him all that gorgeous potential. It's so sad for men, it goes so fast. It's not really fair, I had that conversation with a twenty one year old the other night. What was I thinking? Poor Dave! Being forced to stare down the barrel of the demise of his youth by some aul one in her thirties!