oh dear

Oh Lord. I'm reading Tracy Hogg's book properly, this time, in an effort to avoid those sleeping issues I posted about before.

I got the new 'Problem Solver' one.

I could smack myself in the head about this - now I read all of it, not just the sleep crisis bits, I so see how I - me, Jo, myself, created so many of the things I blamed my poor babe for. I've actually read the food and routine chapters, and the golden light of comprehension has dawned.

I was so convinced that demand feeding was the only way anyone could possibly parent, I failed to stop doing it and establish any sort of feed routine, with the result that my baby snacked all the time but was never filled up - it was no wonder then that she didn't sleep, she rarely had a full tummy, and every time she woke I'd rush up and pacify her with the boob, when she just needed settling. I also let her sleep for up to 5 hours at a time during the day, instead of waking her up and feeding her, so she'd have enough in her for the night. No wonder all the desperate efforts at fixing her sleeping fell short!

It's true, it doesn't take long to establish these patterns and it was so long before I created any sort of feeding routine that her sleep cycle was all out the window, and she still snacked - and is now a terrible snacker - she'll eat a few bites, say 'it was too much' and then ask me for more food of a less nutritious nature ten minutes later . Do I give it to her? Ugh, we won't even go there.

Some of Tracy Hogg goes against my lactivist, attachment parenting leanings. But nothing that she does is unfair or harmful to the baby, like Gina Ford's demands seem. TH is pretty easy on the parent too. No controlled crying, just sensible consistency that her babies seem to thrive on. And her identification of different personality types or a mix thereof, and how to keep them happy, is spot on.

Now, I won't be doing absolutely everything she suggests, but when I balk at her prescriptive feed time routine from the first week, I just remind myself that I had a v colicky daughter who has taken 4 YEARS to learn to sleep through the night and that I came close to falling asleep on the motorway. My 'way' was not the best way.

I do believe that as a first time parent there are some things you just can't hear, some ideas you can't adopt (I'm thinking of my cousin insisting on how much she loved those special night time quality times with her son - and that's fine, it's just not the same when those little midnight flits are still going on 6 months later and you start really resenting your child for it!). I was given advice that I rejected out of hand, that in retrospect would have been a good idea. But I don't know that I would have been able to implement it at the time anyway. Still, I so wish I'd read Tracy first!

But as a second time mother, I have definitely revised my opinion about what babies need. Attachment parenting sounds great to me, but in reality, I think it's a little bit of a question of mothers holding on too tight.Don't get me wrong, I'll still be using a sling, and putting the baby in my bed (especially now my daughter is out of it at last!)but it won't be for three years this time.This little baby is going to know what to expect.

I don't promise a cleaner house though...