ouch, sniff

I fell over tonight - I was standing on the sofa washing the windows, it's my daughter's birthday party tomorrow. I stood down on to her new toy car, which slowly slipped from under me, taking one leg with it and I, fairly slowly, fell back onto my bum. Hurt my foot and elbow and got a fright.

Then my daughter, alarmed by my scream, started shouting downstairs to ask what was wrong and why I screamed, and wouldn't accept my answer, or my husband's, who'd wandered in from watering the lawn - after the third time I shouted at her to just go to bed and he got pissed off with me for shouting - she's shouting back that she won't listen and she hates me. So he just fucked off leaving me to sob in total shock on the floor.

Now I have a bit of tightness in my lower back and a bit of pressure under my bump - not enough to worry about, I don't think, I might not notice if it wasn't for the fall - I might be making it up. But I still feel shaken and tearful.

I think if I'd just had a moment to collect myself, and maybe get a hug and a hand up. But it all went nasty - I've taken an aconite and I still feel shocked and weepy - it's such a scary thing.

And I have so much to do to get ready for this party, but I don't think I should now.

I'm not sure what the point of blogging this is, really. I suppose just how vulnerable you are when you're pregnant, how huge the responsibility is. And I feel so lonely about it. And all I have in my immediate future is washing the kitchen floor.