Well, I'm all about the breast feeding at the moment, so if it's not your cup of tea, come back later.
I didn't anticipate having any problems this time round - I'd got through the tough start before, I'd done a class, I had booked a very experienced midwife - and we started out great, D was gentle and calm and brilliant at it. Then I got so engorged it was hard for him to latch on, then the dreaded thrush started, and the blocked ducts and mastitis episode, and there's just been all this discomfort and stress since.
The experience of my supply decreasing due to the pumping (bruised and cracked nipple the burning of the thrush, my nipples were like raspberries for a while there, eurg) was so alarming. Pumping wasn't enough to keep the supply up and I was taking lots of B6 complex to work on the thrush and mastitis - but I read a post on rollercoaster that said you need to keep your Bvit dose to 25mgs or below - and I was taking 200mg!
So the supply is back up again now - stopped taking the vitamins, ate porridge and drank loads of fennel tea, tried to rest, hmm. It was a terribly emotional feeling - so much had not gone to plan, and as a second baby, D has to be so patient and put up with half measures. If I wasn't able to feed him it would kill me, I feel like I've failed him enough already. [I feel so nervous now, to make statements like this because of all the people who wanted to breastfeed but couldn't, or who choose not to - but fuck it, it's my blog, and it's about how I feel, not about judging or offending anyone else]. I made the mistake of complaining about the general pain and hassle, and fear of supply failing to my MIL the other day and got my first 'Well if it's so bad would you not just give up' comment.
I find it hard to understand why people discourage others from breastfeeding. Surely there is enough scientific information available now to convince others that it is worthwhile if you want to do it, even if you choose to suffer for it? Isn't the concept of struggling for something worthwhile acceptable? Are there other situations where it is usual to encourage someone to give something up because it's hard? If I were giving up smoking or drugs and suffering withdrawal, if I was running a marathon I'd be suffering as lot more than I am now, would people tell me to give up because my feet were sore, or my joints were aching? Or I was out of breath and red from running up a hill, my knees possibly getting damaged, etc. Should I stop because it's hard? After all, breastfeeding is decreasing my (significant) chances of getting breast cancer, as well as protecting my baby from many diseases, including meningitis, improving his eyesight, perhaps his IQ, responding to his individual needs. People are always saying they'd do anything for their children. Well, this is one of my anythings.
In many ways, though, I'm not enjoying breastfeeding this time round. I do so hope I can get it back to normal. The gentian violet (hence the purple nurples)is definitely helping with D's thrush, and I'm showing improvement too - and if not, apparently there's something called Threelac that's very effective too - I wish I'd known sooner! And I have bought the medicated gel, in case all else fails, but I haven't heard great reports of it, I think it will just recur. We'll see.
Though the feeding's hard, I don't particularly like giving him the bottle, though I'm amazed to discover the oxytocin still starts flowing when I do it, I fall asleep just the same - so the drug response comes from the act of feeding a baby, not just the milk in my system - mad! There was a post of RC about a woman not liking her inlaws and someone suggested she breastfeed, to retain more control of the baby. A non-breastfeeder couldn't understand what that had to do with it - but others did - one woman said that if she hadn't breastfed her mother in law would have insisted on giving the bottle all the time, another said it was her excuse to get the baby back from her family. Someone else said it really cements the idea that you're the mother. Well, I agree. Long ago, I read that a baby should stay within its mother's or father's auras for the first three weeks of its life and that totally struck a chord with me. If a baby has lived inside you it's entire life, the separation should be slow and gentle. I think breastfeeding helps with that. It may close out the father but to be honest, I think that's ok.
Anyway, it would have been wonderful if my baby's father had sat behind me and rubbed my aching shoulders every time my babies fed, and he could have shared the experience that way, in a very physical way, but it's not like that ever happened.
This is getting off track. What's my point? Oh yes. I'm the mammy. End of story. I hope it helps make up for all the bits I'm not so good at.
4 comments:
Hey There fellow rc buddy. I started my own blog. I could get hooked on this. Just wanted to let you know I think you're doing a great job with your baby. He's lucky he has such a stubborn and persistent mother!
Hey Mary, do yo want to send a link? I'd love to read! It is so addictive....
http://lalorlife.blogspot.com/ Great to see you back in action. My pc went on the fritz for a week, and although my house was much cleaner and children were less negleted, I really missed it.
Ha! that meany on Rollercoaster who said you were a bad mother for being on the pc all the tiem was right!
(me too...)
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