I have another new man in my life - first came our baby son and last night we acquired Michael - a soft spoken middle aged man in glasses and a jumper.
He's our counsellor - unable to bear the thought of trying to get through Christmas with the house full of tension and my husband only speaking to me when he has to, I bit the bullet and rang Accord. it's a Catholic, non-profit counselling organisation, devoted to safeguarding marriage. Its non-denominational in terms of who it extends its services to, and assures its punters that its counsellors are independently certified. I was a little daunted when I heard our counsellor would be male, but it seems to be all good.
Of course, the receptionsit wh opened the door is in my Pilates class - not that I'm ashamed of going to counselling or needing to keep it a secret, but still - sheesh! actually, I wish we'd done this year ago as general maintenance, we'd always vauely meant to, or at least I had - a warning to all, it would save a lot of hassle.
Last night was just a preliminary session, explaining the drill - despite originally suggesting we go, my husband only grunted when I told him I'd set up a session and didn't ask anything til we were driving down to it, when he said 'So is this going to be every week from now on then?' Encouraging. But it turns out you commit to 6 sessions and then choose whether to sign up for more. And were both very happy with Michael. I was oddly touched when, as he was reading out the list of issues we might be there for, he asked us if physical violence was a problem, and whispered 'Thank God' under his breath when we said it was not. It is that sort of thing that would put me off being a counsellor.
So hopefully we will start to communicate and perhaps even spend some time together once the process is underway. Michael's already getting us to have a date each Tuesday after counselling, and himself has agreed! Praise be!
Although I'm now going to have to switch my date with Stargate Atlantis to the re-run on Saturday nights...
5 comments:
Good for you Jo. I'd say just having that time alone each week will improve things. It's refreshing to hear your honesty towards your marriage. I think so many people hide behind pretend smiles to make others believe they are perfect. Good luck with it now. x
Thanks mary - I do feel embarrassed at how bad things have got, to be honest - for some reason, I always thought I'd be great at relationships, I don't know why. I thought I wasn't like my parents...ha!
hi! we did a pre marriage course with accord, and while it was a bit drawn out and could have been done in less time, it was very good. i'd say their counselling is as good or better. did you do a pre marriage course with them?
good luck!
We were married in the Unitarian church, so we didn't do anything! I think this was part of the problem... I'm not remotely Catholic, I'm sort of Protestant by default, and my husband's a non practicing Catholic. I think we'd prefer our marriage guidance secular - I'm not sure I could take general marriage tips from a priest! We were together 9 years before we actually married so it's not like we didn't know how to live together. But perhaps it's better these days?
hi, there were no priests doing the course, there were 3 married people (not to each other) who'd been through rough patches and difficult times, we basically worked through modules in a course book, and they commented on some of the topics and told related stories from their married lives, e.g. about how people sometimes come from very different backgrounds and how it doesn't seem to matter until you live together and realise you deal with the same situation differently, or are offended by things the other person doesn't find even remotely irritating. they told a few 'for worse' and 'in sickness' stories and made us think about what that would be like. i found their 'how not to argue' topic quite good (and they did some hilarious roleplays).
i think it probably would suit every couple to do a course like that before they get married, not neccessarily with a catholic organisation of course...
i'd say see how the councelling foes for the 6 sessions and then you can still fork out for a secular counsellor.
by the way i've heard of courses run in the country (longford) not that long ago, where there were a nun and a priest dishing out advice, amongst other things about having the dinner ready for the husband when he comes home from work... so maybe we were just lucky!
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