5!

Up til now I've one faintly lavish, not organised enough to be domestic goddess home birthday parties (still in shower or hoovering in towel when the guests arrive, for example), but this year my daughter wanted an activity centre party and I jumped at the chance - way cheaper than what we spent on the home do last year.

No cleaning before or after, no cooking, none of the hideous cold sweat the torture of Pass the Parcel induces in me. No one has to win anything! They eat sausage and chips, in the case of Zoom in Greystones it's organic and they include a fruit platter - no sweets, lots of exercise. What's not to like!

My brother in law arrived late, and expressed disbelief at it being five years - I looked at my watch and realised it was pretty much five years to the minute. Overwhelming. This time last year I was falling off the sofa after washing the windows and sitting on the floor crying, the baby not yet born. Five years ago this afternoon I was exhaustedly pushing my daughter out of me, the single most epic and significant thing I've ever done. I was in a mess of bereavement, I'm not any more. I don't know what else has changed exactly, maybe nothing much. I certainly haven't achieved as much as I'd hoped, or become more successful or comfortable.. or thinner... well, I was thinner, but I'm not again right now.

Anyway, that's not hugely relevant. I was looking at my driver's licence from 03 the other day, pre pregnancy. In some ways I look the same, in others I look taughter, pinker, more innocent. Younger definitely (god, am I making myself sound like my vagina? Should I be doing the Monologues?) In some ways I look pretty much the same.

Hmm, I've just had a horrible vision of what this blog will be like in my 39th year, I think that's enough musing for now, I'm aging as I type and getting nothing done :)