Tuesday, July 8, 2008

intimacies


There are a few reasons I haven't really written about sex on this blog much, if at all. I do feel the urge to sometimes, but it doesn't really sit well with me. Much as I love reading about other people's sex lives :)



I had this conversation with a friend once, about how we no longer had in depth conversations about our sex lives, mostly due to a more developed respect for our partners, we thought. And that 's very much a consideration now. I think my husband would be appalled to think I was sharing details publicly. So my feeling is that I need to take that into consideration.



Also, to be honest, there are times when I'm more aware of a readership than others - and these days, as I move ever farther away from my teenage self, there are things I wouldn't talk about face to face with everyone, strange as that may seem. It's more comfortable sharing secrets with far removed strangers than people I know only a little.
However, I have talked to other women about the effect breast feeding has on libido - after my daughter was born, it was a good nine months before I felt any interest in getting back on the horse (heh heh). Whatever way the breast feeding hormones work on me, I stop thinking about sex at all - no responses or urge whatsoever - I think it's a very practical form of birth control :) There was an element of fear there as well, after the revelation of pushing out a 8lb12 baby without any particular urge to. I apologised once, for the lack of goings on, and being a bit scared, and my husband said, 'No, no, if you'd seen what I saw, you'd understand!'

Another friend said the same about not being into it, said she was determined not to let it happen again with her fourth, but it did - and she thought feck it, and just accepted it. It's clearly just the way it's meant to be, sometimes.

For the last month or more, I've felt the slow return of that side of myself, and it's very welcome. It's been longer this time because of relationship issues. But I braved rejection last night and made a move, with my heart in my throat, I must admit - and it's worked out for the best.
Thank god.


It's nearly a year since the smallman was born now, so it's time I did another brave thing and pull out the birth story I started, and had to stop because I was too upset by it. Time to deal with that too.


It really is true about it taking another nine months to get back to yourself after a birth - that following year should be a rest period of recovering yourself. It is a wise woman who suggested making no major decisions or changes within that time.

4 comments:

morgor said...

jaypers, that must have been a difficult post to write i'd say....

jothemama said...

Surprisingly, no... the thing I have difficulty with is not telling people stuff :)

Anonymous said...

Best writers are honest writers. I'm way to chicken to cover anything except the superficial stuff so good for you.
Is your birth story for you or for general viewing? It occurs to me that there is probably a need for more homebirthers to share their birth stories, especially where the experience failed to live up to its promise. I think we're such a tiny minority of mothers fighting a lack of midwives, resources and support that we get defensive of any criticism of homebirth. It's as though it's such a fragile, fledgling movement and is constantly under attack from outsiders that we have to present this united view of homebirth as being exclusively happy, empowering and perfect. If you're a pissed off Holles Street mother, there's ample opportunity for you to vent and plenty of likeminded mothers out there, but if you're a pissed off homebirther, I'd say it can be a bit lonely...
In any case, hope you get to write that story whether it's for private or public consumption.
Koo

jothemama said...

Absolutely. No, it's definitely for public consumption, and for the Home Birth Society, though I can't see them publishing it. I have no interest in damaging home birth further, it has enough problems and misnderstandings about it. However, I'd feel so bad if anyone ever had an experience like mine.