I got a dirty phonecall today - on my mobile.
I'm a little unimpressed, to be honest, at the basic unfunniness of it.
Him (in a mildly Donegal accent): Are you looking for a shag (or words to that effect)
Me: Who's this?
Him: Who do you think it is?
Me to friend: I think I'm getting a dirty phone call - I don't know if it's someone trying to be funny or and actual dirty phone call.
Him, getting impatient: So do you want one?
I'm not particularly bothered by this, I must say, though I think as dirty thrills go, it's pretty fucking lame. I just hope my number was randomly chosen, and that it doesn't become a regular occurence.
But thinking about it, what does piss me off is the real motivation behind it - the smug and arrogant tone, the self satisfaction - it presumably gives the caller a nasty little buzz to put a woman in a position of impotence, of powerlessness. Ring someone up, get them wrong-footed in a normally comfortable medium - and make them uncomfortable, assert your sexual dominance, you're the one who steers the conversation, calls the shots, enjoying the confusion caused by subverting - no, perverting the conventions of phone conversation.
I'm not sure what my response is. Again, I feel disappointed. It seems to me that there should be some element of humour in a dirty phone call, it is after all a ridiculous idea - but instead it's cliched, unimaginative, tacky, tawdry: Mr Dirtyphonecaller, you should be ashamed of your sordid little self.
To end on a jollier note, my mother once received a dirty call at about 8 am on a Sunday morning. She blearily answered the phone to hear someone with one of those soft, almost camp, Cork accents asking, 'What colour knickers are you wearing?'
She automatically responded, 'I'm not wearing any', amused at the innocence of the would-be pervert who assumed she'd have had knickers on at 8 am on a Sunday morning. She worried that it might have been a patient of hers though, so she said his name and he hung up instantly. I can't remember how she followed up on that one!