Saturday, April 11, 2009

odd egg out

On the phone Natalie laughingly asserted that I could help her with Pass the Parcel and so on. 'Not me,' I said. 'Pass the Parcel brings me out in a cold sweat, I can't bear the tension.'

But I feel a bit guilty, as I do: she's a single mother, not in a position to be hosting birthday parties financially, I should be jumping in and helping, to pay the world back for the fact that I'm in the privileged position of being married, and in a household with an income and a half, and I don't have to worry about maintenance payments, paid or unpaid.

When I get there, I apologise, and say I won't be staying. Being menstrual, and the morning I've had with Olivia, and the two kids taking turns to have hysterics, I could no more stay in a house of hepped up girlies without seizing on the floor than I could gnaw off my own arm.

That's fine, that's fine, but you'll come in for a cup of TEA, at LEAST.

I will.

And an egg and spoon race.

Natalie has a go, playing competitively with her 11 year old son. And then, surprise, a mum's egg and spoon race! Yay! And I feel something inside me sicken and turn over, that old old feeling.

But I laugh, it's fun, the egg drops. I scrabble to pick it up, ha ha. There is is, that shutter of shame and helplessness slamming down, I'm the clumsy four year old again, struggling, clinging on to the door handle, refusing to go to sports day, torn between fear of the humiliation and fear of my father if I don't go when he tells me. I laugh, it's fun, but I can't do this. I can't.

Olivia approaches, disappointment and disapproval on her face.

'You didn't run fast enough'.

7 comments:

Maxi Cane said...

Aw, I was getting into that until I read "menstrual".

Sake.

jothemama said...

You're kidding me.

Pictures of horse cocks and all the rest.

But you have problems with 'menstrual'?

Pff!

Maxi Cane said...

You've never once put a picture of a horse cock up.

Pff yourself.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

I love the tone of disgust at the end... feck sake mammy...

jothemama said...

No, true, Maxi, but I did put this one up.

Maxi Cane said...

Awwwww knacker.

But depending on whose it is, I might want to dunk it in my tea.

Ms. Moon said...

Okay. Back to the subject- this is why I hate parties. I always have and I always will. You get ten million points for participating AT ALL but you would have gotten ten billion points for saying, "Oh no. I don't do that."