Friday, January 29, 2010

she wishes for superpowers

Have you noticed how men can do this thing, whereby they can place one hand on a wall and just sort of... float over it, barely seeming to put weight on that arm? Once I locked myself and the kids out, and our then neighbour Denno came over to check if the back door was locked, and launched himself over the side wall like a superhero. Olivia's mouth hung open and she said it was the bravest thing she'd ever seen.

They can catch things too. Just lazily put their hand in the air and reach for something that seems to be way out of reach and it magically attaches itself to their fingertips, like something magnetic. I used to watch Daniel in school playing basketball, and just marvel. And ha, once I was standing in the hall chatting during PE (as you do) and suddenly there was quick firm pressure on my shoulders and a sort of whirring silence over my head, and then he landed in front of me. He'd just vaulted over my head. Boys are cool.

That sort of easy athleticism will never be for me. I'd love to never drop things. To never fall over, to always catch the ball.

But it's in the realm of other magic. And if I had that...

I'd wish I had hands that could heal, that all the heat and love I have in them could have dispersed the cancer, dissolved it.

I'd wish I could soothe the things that weigh heavy on my heart. I would erase the defences of my husband, the fears, leave him bold and open.

I'd wish I could ease my daughter's anger, show her how to just let be.

And for my friend, and all the others, whose beautiful lives got tainted and twisted and filled with fear and agony, oh, if I could just shift it, alter it, turn the world one tiny fraction of a degree, and make things different. Or even just dissolve the pain that got knit into their hearts' sinews, fill the space with peace instead. With certainty, with calm. With love.

That is what I would do.

 

A thank you to google. I was looking for heart's ease, though I didn't know what they looked like. Your violas are heart's ease, Ms Moon! Isn't that nice?

12 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

Jo- you have cancer in your hands? What?
And yes, Heart's Ease, Violas, Sweet Williams. All the same.
Now tell me about your hands, dear girl.

Jo said...

Oh dear, Ms Moon. Fundamental misapprehension. A wish for healing hands. Not hands in need of healing!

mammydiaries said...

Oh Jo! I think you just healed something in me :) What a beautiful post. I think sometimes that just knowing there are people out there who want so badly to make things right and that it's not all bad, is enough to shift things a little...

Jo said...

That is so sweet. If I could make children sleep, believe me, I would!! But I'd start with mine...

Bethany said...

Oh, I don't think they said it better than you. Love your writing on this. Yes. yes yes.

Jo said...

Thanks, Bethany, that's lovely.

Demure Lemur said...

When you put that kind of love and energy out there it does good things. You might not make the blind to see, but you help, comfort and support. Your special people know that you are there for them - and allowing someone to feel secure in your love is a healing gift of sorts.

Irmhild said...

you have your own superpowers, jo! writing, baking, making milk to feed your babies (no man can do that!)

Jo said...

That's sweet, Irmhilde, but not true! You need to catch up on the Friends of Breastfeeding blog for an article your husband might be interested in :)

morgor said...

i wish i had acrobatic tricks :(

On the plus side I can bulldoze through things :)

I would like to be the fiery dealer of justice and set the world to rights, unfortunately i'm effectively powerless except for the people i know but at least i uphold my sense of right and wrong in my own little slice of the world...

Jo said...

Like this, morgor?

http://oglaf.com/ulric.html

morgor said...

hee hee, that's brightened up my day :)