Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Milky Booby Tuesday!

Thanks to  mammydiaries for this!


Public Nudity! And a bathroom...

A Quick Lesson in Public Feeding...

There are some things in life that you can always count on; We all live, we all die and every three months or so, TV3 will put out yet another oh so educational documentary about "Extreme" Breastfeeding after which the phone lines to Joe Duffy, Gerry Ryan and the like will sizzle with the moral outrage of god fearing, respectable Irishmen and women who are SHOCKED! Yes, SHOCKED and HORRIFIED that there are women out there who insist on baring their breasts and nursing their children in public.

Yes folks, that's right, in PUBLIC! Shameless, brazen hussies! Who do they think they are? Flaunting their bits for all to see! Waving their milk filled bosoms about in a blatant show of prurience! Something must be done, which is why I, a concerned citizen of the highest moral fiber, have compiled a list of suggestions which will allow these desperate attention seekers to feed their young while out and about without offending innocent passersby...

I thereby present to you,

Practical Suggestions for The Inoffensive Feeding of a Breastular Nature

1. Resist the urge to spray passing strangers with your milk. I know, I know... This will be very hard, as what breastfeeding mother can possibly resist the urge to send playful jets of milk spurting from her bounteous bosoms at random strangers? But resist you must! Sit on your hands if need be to stop them tampering with a wayward nipple and accidentally soaking your nearest neighbor.

2. Invest in some Nursing "Gear." There are many attractive blankets and slings made for the express purpose of keeping such subversive acts under wraps and out of public notice, thus protecting innocent eyes from your wicked ways. Many "Outdoor Activity" shops now offer easy to assemble one man (woman) tents which are lightweight and portable, offering you the ultimate in comfort and coverage on the go. And don't worry! Despite the name, you CAN fit a baby in there as well!


3. Seek out Private nursing rooms. These are available in most reputable shopping centres and can generally be found in either the basement near the boiler room or wherever else is as far as f@*k from anywhere even remotely occupied or even within mobile network coverage. Some savvy retaillers, in an effort to save space, are now placing chairs in the disabled toilets in order to serve the same purpose. Such initiative is to be applauded!


4. As tempting as it may be to thrust your naked breasts into the faces of all and sundry, please resist this urge, however strong it may be. In a similar vein, offering strangers a "quick sup" is also to be greatly discouraged. While it is understood by the general public that breastfeeding women have little to no control over their actions and are wont to snatch and suckle any child they happen across in the streets, this practice is simply not acceptable and must be avoided at all costs.



5. For those of you feeding an older infant or child, staying at home has never been easier! With many major retailers now offering online shopping and home delivery services, you can now have most of your basic needs filled without ever having to leave the comfort (and privacy!) of your own home.



Yes folks, it IS possible to feed your child in a "Discreet and Inoffensive" manner. Of course, it all depends on what you find offensive...

--

http://mammydiaries.blogspot.com/


Thanks mammydiaries! Political AND informative :) Please come back and chat in the comments in case anyone is afraid of bearing their breasts/bared breasts in public!

UPDATE: Friends of Breastfeeding Pin Initiative still running - get your lovely pin here so nervous mums  can see yours and feel the kinship. Or should I say, pinship? More booby-bonding, anyway :)

14 comments:

Mwa said...

I'm all in favour of breastfeeding in public. Have done it for two children, am planning on doing it again. So I'm completely in agreement with this post - up to a point. I HATE these little breastfeeding places they construct in shopping malls etc. I tried one once in Britain and I felt like I was being punished. So I don't use them any more, unless I have no alternative. I won't show off my breasts in public, but I also won't go and hide as if I'm doing something shameful. I tend to just find a quiet spot in a cafe or on a bench and discreetly get going. I would dare anyone to object. They'd have another thing coming.

Jen said...

I fed two children whenever the need arose, regardless of where I was. I was never once approached about it and I never noticed if I was getting dirty looks or not. I wouldn't have cared anyway. I do remember calling into work one day and being SENT to the stinky bathrooms to feed alright. Eh, I was planning on asking for a room to pump when I went back to work, guess that wouldn't have worked lol. Great post, definitely an issue that needs highlighting:) Jen.

Looking for Blue Sky said...

Didn't breastfeed for reasons that I might reveal one day, but did express milk for No2 who was very premature. There was a special - and quite pleasant - room for that purpose in the maternity hospital, and I made some good friends as a result - bare breasted bonding, you might say!

Whoopsie Daisy said...

Brilliant!! Now that I know where my ettiquite has horribly gone wrong, if I do ever breast-feed again; I'll remnember that sitting in a cafe, topless and offering strangers 'a drop for their tea' is certainly just not acceptable... Infact, I'll probably just stay home ;p

Jo said...

I have to admit, ladies, the worst I ever got was a protracted dirty stare from a young wan one Patrick's Day down the seafront. And the majority of people I know have had good experiences only.

I really should have linked this to the Friends of Breastfeeding Pins page. Dur.

Jo said...

Who knows, Whoopsie Daisy - if you go again, maybe the ettiquette will have changed again and offering your neighbours milk for thier tea will be the thing to do?

Ms. Moon said...

Makes me want to lactate again. How I miss those days of spraying strangers with my milk! Ah, the look on their faces!

Irish Mammy said...

These outraged people need to get over themselves, the people that ring into Joe Duffy obviously have very little to worry them. I'm all for breastfeeding in public, in private wherever is needed.

Jo said...

It's all cultural conditioning. There's no point railing against it. What will change it fastest is normalising breastfeeding - support new mothers in feeling confident. The more people see it, the more they'll grow accustomed and it'll stop becoming an issue.

I like the pin idea. A subtle show of support - it's one thing for us die hard hippies, but it's an issue that puts a lot of women off breastfeeding at all.

lastofthemojitos said...

Brilliant tips for all breastfeeders :) We really have such an antiquated attitude to breastfeeding in this country,.

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip said...

This is the greatest article on public breastfeeding I have ever read!!! Makes me want to go out there and offer random passersby a tasty drink. It is so absurb that people find breastfeeding so offensive when half naked women are used for advertising everything from cars to cereal every single day. If its sex the boobies are selling, A-okay. But if we are trying to feed our children, we are being filty and vile. Rock on, Mammy Diaries. I love your forever.

Jo said...

This says it all for me.

http://friendsofbreastfeeding.blogspot.com/2009/10/not-much-more-to-say-than-this.html

Might I direct all you interested parties to the friends of breastfeeding website in my links? We're trying to combat this positively. And I do a bfing blog there as well. Infrequent updates, but I'm trying!

mammydiaries said...

Oh wow! Thanks for all the nice comments! Joe, that link you posted does say it all. Breastfeeding is simply how children are meant to be fed and Ireland needs to stop seeing formula as the norm. The more of us mothers who are seen feeding our babies, the better.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Must say, I've never heard anyone say they've had a negative reaction from others while feeding anywhere, and I've never actually come across anyone who's had anything bad to say about those that feed anywhere.

Dunno what the fuss is.