Public Nudity! And a bathroom...
A Quick Lesson in Public Feeding...
There are some things in life that you can always count on; We all live, we all die and every three months or so, TV3 will put out yet another oh so educational documentary about "Extreme" Breastfeeding after which the phone lines to Joe Duffy, Gerry Ryan and the like will sizzle with the moral outrage of god fearing, respectable Irishmen and women who are SHOCKED! Yes, SHOCKED and HORRIFIED that there are women out there who insist on baring their breasts and nursing their children in public.
Yes folks, that's right, in PUBLIC! Shameless, brazen hussies! Who do they think they are? Flaunting their bits for all to see! Waving their milk filled bosoms about in a blatant show of prurience! Something must be done, which is why I, a concerned citizen of the highest moral fiber, have compiled a list of suggestions which will allow these desperate attention seekers to feed their young while out and about without offending innocent passersby...
I thereby present to you,
Practical Suggestions for The Inoffensive Feeding of a Breastular Nature
1. Resist the urge to spray passing strangers with your milk. I know, I know... This will be very hard, as what breastfeeding mother can possibly resist the urge to send playful jets of milk spurting from her bounteous bosoms at random strangers? But resist you must! Sit on your hands if need be to stop them tampering with a wayward nipple and accidentally soaking your nearest neighbor.
2. Invest in some Nursing "Gear." There are many attractive blankets and slings made for the express purpose of keeping such subversive acts under wraps and out of public notice, thus protecting innocent eyes from your wicked ways. Many "Outdoor Activity" shops now offer easy to assemble one man (woman) tents which are lightweight and portable, offering you the ultimate in comfort and coverage on the go. And don't worry! Despite the name, you CAN fit a baby in there as well!
3. Seek out Private nursing rooms. These are available in most reputable shopping centres and can generally be found in either the basement near the boiler room or wherever else is as far as f@*k from anywhere even remotely occupied or even within mobile network coverage. Some savvy retaillers, in an effort to save space, are now placing chairs in the disabled toilets in order to serve the same purpose. Such initiative is to be applauded!
4. As tempting as it may be to thrust your naked breasts into the faces of all and sundry, please resist this urge, however strong it may be. In a similar vein, offering strangers a "quick sup" is also to be greatly discouraged. While it is understood by the general public that breastfeeding women have little to no control over their actions and are wont to snatch and suckle any child they happen across in the streets, this practice is simply not acceptable and must be avoided at all costs.
5. For those of you feeding an older infant or child, staying at home has never been easier! With many major retailers now offering online shopping and home delivery services, you can now have most of your basic needs filled without ever having to leave the comfort (and privacy!) of your own home.
Yes folks, it IS possible to feed your child in a "Discreet and Inoffensive" manner. Of course, it all depends on what you find offensive...
Thanks mammydiaries! Political AND informative :) Please come back and chat in the comments in case anyone is afraid of bearing their breasts/bared breasts in public!
UPDATE: Friends of Breastfeeding Pin Initiative still running - get your lovely pin here so nervous mums can see yours and feel the kinship. Or should I say, pinship? More booby-bonding, anyway :)