The other day, Bodhi bit Olivia quite unpleasantly. He didn't break the skin but she had a big red bite mark for a couple days.
Today he did it again and I put him outside for two minutes, again. Just now he's tired after a late night last night and Olivia just came in and harrangued him til he was screaming with stress. She kept going ,despite me telling her not to - and he bit her again. So she went screaming sonic I hate yous up the stairs.
The thing is - I tell her not to harass and torture him, she does it anyway. I tell him not to bite her, he does it anyway... I don't really feel like punishing him further because it's not working and she blatantly goaded him into it.
What do you think? I'm tempted to leave it up to survival of the fittest.
8 comments:
Well, I think it's important for a child to know that physically hurting another person is NEVER okay, no matter what.
This would include biting.
you know what i think about biting...of course he is right because she is mean so often..still..biting is no good..bite him back..you know you can:-)
I did actually try that a while ago. But it didn't make a strong enough impression. What next though? Bite him harder? Should I draw blood, Dan?
I have a theory that the more vocabulary a child learns, the less physical their outbursts are. These phases usually pass, it's probably frustration at older sister being, well an older sister, and not having the tools (yet) to deal with it.
As for the princess, she is just learning and utilising the manipulative skills that serve us all so well later on.
I could of course be spectacularly wrong.
Oh, this post reminded me so much of times now past, I had to laugh a little. I used to punish both the goader and the biter; eventually it all stopped, and I swear that noone has been bitten in the past 10 years. Goading, though, can still happen...
Ha, Adie, more evil mastermind demon creature than princess, in truth, but yes, she is the Manipulator and spreader of frustration.
The fact is he has a great vocabulary but she overrrides his emotional communication skills - I don't blame him, I have good vocab too and my words don't work with her either. She's the Master Button Pusher.
No! Don't bite back! You'd only be teaching him to answer violence with violence.
If you see this happen, you have to react. The only way to leave it to survival of the fittest is if you "happen" to not be around. I admit I did try that once when Marie was hitting bigger children in the playground - I once just waited until one hit her back. That worked fine.
Please remember this is a phase. If you persist with time-outs / taking away things he likes (treats, toys, whatever) and explaining why this is not okay, he will most likely stop in the near distance. (I only say that because I always forget that these things end. They always seem forever for a bit.)
hmm I wouldn't accept biting no matter what. He has to find a way to channel his anger and she needs to suffer by removing her fave object of harassment.
I'm no expert and I struggle with similar dynamics in the Geek household, but after I do my spiel of "No hitting" and "She doesn't like it when you make that noise in her face" I threaten them with "If you can't get along then you can't be/play together. If he is drving you crazy than stay away from him. If you don't like her hitting you than stay far away from her." etc ad nauseum...
We separate them and then they get so sad and bored they revert to a toned down version of "make-each-other-scream game" that doesn't get them into trouble.
When things get out of control at the end of the day and the play starts making someone too hyper or upset then I turn on the magic narcotic called mellow cartoon network. It's like an insta-exorcism!!
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