Tuesday, August 3, 2010
pinball
My thinking bounces from wall to wall and back and forth again, over and over.
From the kids, to Axel, to his mother, to my responsiblities to other people, to my responsibilities to myself, to what about me? to the cost of such selfishness, to the cost of not changing things, to making things worse to bashing my head off a wall. Bounce, bounce, bounce. My head is ringing. My heart is squeezed.
Could, not should. What about me? Gah. How do I turn this thing off?
Oh yes! I remember why else I'm feeling all pinbally too - I was going to say. I'm gettign towards finishing the Lacuna and I'm totoally immersed in it. It seems to be all about love and loss and passivity (at least to me, right now, that's what I'm finding) and it's killing me. The narrator character is so sympathetic, yet frustrating. Mhmm. It's all just very sad, but a wonderful story. Barbara Kingsolver is amazing.
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5 comments:
oy vey. Been there, darling and I can't remember how I ever turned it off. When everything is crashing down it's pretty much EVERYTHING all at once...
Elicit help from others for tasks that can be delegated, breathe (a lot), cry, talk to those who will re-validate what you are doing and what your goals are -- boost that morale.
And time. with time the chaos will subside and the wrinkles will smoothe. Just keep your eye on the big picture. Change is majorly disruptive and you can often doubt if it is worth the hassle. It is when it is for the greater good.
Ack! But part of the pressure is being encouraged to do the right thing! It's the validation that's killing me, to an extent :) and the struggle to decide what the greater good actually IS.
Sigh.
Thanks for that though. Here's to smooth wrinkles, indeed :)
Alcohol!
Just wait 'til you get to the end of Lacuna. It's such a fine book.
Too bad that Ms. Kingsolver can't solve your problems, eh?
Ah, Ms M, what a nice idea. I'm not anticipating a happy ending for Harrison though :(
I want more of a Bean Trees/Pigs in Heaven type happy ending for me.
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