Thursday, February 3, 2011

advice

There happened to be an Irish Times in my house today, a rare event, and in it was The Gloss style magazine, that I haven't seen before.

It's all cosmetics and blah blah but it had at its centre this very sweet article by Polly Devlin, which I really appreciated and would like to share.

Here's the start of it:

http://thegloss.ie/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=894&Itemid=1&ed=40

The other points are;

Realise that willpower is a dud - suggesting you manage to change habits and avoid the temptation spots in simple ways instead.

Love youself - stop believing that pain is valuable and using negative language (poiling/inudlging yourself) about doing what is nice for yourself.

Stop being a perfectionist - I'm so not, so I kinda skipped that one.

Make eating a joyous affair - no tv, no reading, lay the fork down in between each bite and drink water before and often, but not while eating.

She recommends a book - 'Addiction to Perfection' by Marion Woodman. Recognise the difference between real hunger and accute emptiness. Find spiritual food for spiritual hunger.

But the one that really stood out to me was something I keep forgetting about. She calls it 'One Small Excercise' and it is about your inner child. It's hard to discuss this without being embarrassed or cynical but it's because we need to do it so much, and it's such a fragile, lacking thing in our lives, well for many of us.

She asks if we had a nickname as a small child, and suggests we use that to identify the 'small person that you once were' who 'still lives with you, ignored, hidden and often in a glass coffin, sad but immensely helpful and utterly on your side. You ask him/her, before you repeat a depressed or harmful thought about yourself, if she.he wants this. If it's bad for you or will hurt your self image, the answer will imvariably be no and you find you do not do it in order to protect her. In other words, you become a loving mother to yourself. (or parent, Reg!) Try this. It might put a stop to your divided life.

And it is true. I think most of us are taught to be cruel to ourselves. Put ourselves down, pull ourselves up by the bootstraps. But if you think, 'I'm useless' and then imagine saying it to your three year old self, you immediately replace the thought with something far more compassionate, and positive and helpful, I find.

It's painful, though, the process. Deeply.

Still, I liked this article, her tone and collection of thoughts. nice.

5 comments:

Nicola O'Byrne said...

Yes I loved it too, it felt very soothing . Have you ever seen the poem about the inner child?

Jo said...

Hi, Nicola, nope, I haven't.

Joanna Cake said...

I really liked this way of thinking. It echoes a lot of what my counsellor said. And, yes, I have now applied that special name to my inner child.

Suddenly, it feels so much more personal.

I haven't seen the poem either but will be looking it up now, Nicola. Thank you both x

Mwa said...

Racking my brains for a term of endearment used for me when I was small - I'm not sure there ever was one. Nasty names? Plenty. I wonder if I could use one of them. (Sorry, this is not in the spirit of things, I suppose.)

Jo said...

That makes me feel vengeful on your behalf, Mwa. But al lthe more reason you have to learn to do it for yourself, I suppose.

I don't think it had to be a term of endearment, though, maybe a diminutive - and you already go by one of those :)