Saturday, April 23, 2011

I forgot to put salt in the cupcakes today. And the frosting is a bit sweet. Ah. Bodhi hurt himself or got upset about three times while I was making them, once with blood. Olivia keeps hurting herself too, it's like they're a tag team of accidents and wailing, or getting at each other and wailing. They have fun too, but only with wailing in between.

A guy from Eircom phonewatch came round trying to sell us an alarm. He was friendly, but gaunt, with broken or rotted front teeth and something told me to be a wee bit careful. Great way to case a house, eh, come in and see what the vulnerable points are while you're selling an alarm? So my cupcaking was a bit interrupted.

Then I brought the kids down to their granny's, her sister and niece are over, which always seems to make her a bit hyper, a bit less aware. I angered her, it seems, because I said, ew! Don't say that! when  her sister told Bodhi to go look for maggots in the grass. It seems they called worms maggots as kids. I have never heard of that before, so I didn't mean to imply any value judgement on that, it just seemed a bit morbid and gross to this bug-phobe to send children maggot hunting. I didn't realise she was angry about that until after Olivia twisted her ankle, and I asked for an icepack to put on it, just for the sake of giving the weepy child some attention. She has a wine cooler thingy in the fridge. She gave me a towel to put on it, then came in to try and make Olivia put her foot through it (which it wasn't really big enough for and would surely have hurt her ankle. She took the towel off to put it on anyway, and thinking you're not meant to put ice packs straight onto bare skin, I said, 'No, no, it shouldn't go straight on bare skin' or words to that effect, at which point she muttered 'Jesus fuck!' and stormed out of the room. The she stomped around and came back in later, not speaking to me - as we left (the bloody children insisted on playing and playing, oblivious to the attitude of complete discomfort in the house!) I asked her what time she wanted us for lunch tomorrow, and she answered, 'you can come any time you like, it doesn't matter to me.'

So, clearly I offended her, as I have done many times before. I wasn't remotely aware that I was doing anything offensive, is the sad thing, so it's just my obtuse, obnoxious character that's getting to her. Here's the thing though - Axl and I have split up now, less than more, yes, but something tells me that this should mean his mother and I should be able to avoid being offended by each other. That shit today has made me feel completely horrible and miserable, just as I was feeling a bit more normal again and I don't want to go to lunch with Axl and his extended family tomorrow and sit there and be awkward, or make it awkward for them.

So, here's the question, what's more awkward? Me going and having my mother in law in a huff at me in front of all Axl's family, or me telling Axl I don't want to go/have a headache and have the kids sad I'm not coming and have everyone ask where I am and blah blah. I don't know which is worse. What do you think, should I just fake my own death?


Mick said...

I wouldn't go. Sanity is worth more. The kids will get over it. They probably wouldn't even notice if you were there or not. So fuck the 'ex' in-laws!

Jo said...

Well, the rest are alright. I think not going makes the most sense, though.

laughykate said...

You could always ring her and say, 'I'm not going to come because I think it would be easier for you if I'm not there. I know we have a complicated relationship and it appears that right now I'm driving you a bit mental..etc etc'

Totally easy for me to write, I understand. However I gave the same sort of advice to a friend who was reapplying for a job she already had. The company had restructured - she'd known her employers for years and they knew she was a weapon at her job. They practically had said yes but at the last hurdle they started making the application process it harder and harder for her -and she got really upset about it. I said to her, 'It sounds like they don't want you to get the job, tell them that, say you would have loved to have worked for them - but in light of the way they're treating you, you're bowing out.'

She left a message saying exactly that with the woman who was hiring her (she wouldn't take her calls), within three minutes she had been offered the job. ('We just didn't know how passionate you were about it'.)

Long winded analogy, but if you ring and basically say 'You're treating me like a bitch at the moment so I'm coming.'.....It could be quite empowering. ...

But if that's all too much effort, pull a cold.

laughykate said...

OOps! Easter Sunday stole a 'not' in that last comment. I'm mean 'so I'm NOT coming'.

Sylvia said...

Jo, you should go, and pretend like everything is fine. She is going to be the grandmother for the rest of her life, so for the sake of continuity for the children, you'll have to bite your tongue, smile, and suck it up. See how tomorrow goes and if there is any more nastiness, speak to Axl and ask him to have a word. But my advice is to ignore the narky bits, she doesn't mean it, and if she does, rise above it. But do try, you'll be sorry if you don't go, it's making things into a bigger deal. good luck!

Mick said...

Nope! I simply don't understand why Jo should 'suck it up'. Easter's supposed to be a happy time. I couldn't think of anything worse. Yeah, she's going to be a grandmother for the rest of her life. But she's going to have to tread very carefully. There's only so much stress one small family vcan take.
I forbid you to go.
So there.

Mick said...

OR you could go and give her Evils all through dinner lol
OR play footsie under the table while winking at her!

Happy Easter whatever you decide to do! :-)

Rhi@FlourChild said...

Can you just go for a little while? Then find a reason for going home early? New alarm going off? House being burgled?!

Good luck. Sounds awful. x

Annie said...

I'm glad you decided to go. Well done. Happy easter Jo xxx

Mwa said...

Ew! Awkward either way. People can be such a bother. We cunningly went away with friends for the Easter weekend, thus avoiding the whole potential for awkward parties. We may be repeating this in the future.

(You were so right on the ice pack. I once put one straight on my breast when I had a clogged milk duct, not realising I should put a towel in between. I left it too long and had frozen milk in a burnt boob. I'm an idiot.)