Tuesday, June 28, 2011

do you know what's sad?

There's a lot of people I would have liked to develop friendships with, but never managed to - mostly because of the shyness, or awkwardness involved in the process of becoming close. And I think a lot of other people feel the same. There's so much effort involved in insinuating yourself into someone's life. It can be difficult, before a friendship becomes organic feeling.

I have a cousin  I like a lot, but despite living near to each other for a while, years ago, we only ever met up once, had a great night - then that was it. The effort of making plans, making small talk, getting to know each other, meeting partners who may or may not be great at accepting people into their social lives, trying to meld friends to friends... it all really takes a lot of work, and I find these days, people seem to have run out of that sort of time and energy.

It's not good, but it seems to just be the way. Investment in friendship is a big risk, I suppose. It might be worth it, it might not, it might just be easier to sit home and have a biscuit and facebook or blog or watch telly, in pyjamas, and not have to worry about going out and getting pretty or hoovering and making the house pretty and shopping for nibbles, and all.

Maybe it's because in Ireland we only know how to socialise over drink, and that means driving is out, and everyone drives everywhere because there's so little door to door public transport.

I do know people who DO defeat such malingering inclinations, they have parties, they go meet new people and introduce them to each other often and their lives are diverse and interesting as a result, no doubt. It probably makes sense to be able to dull that discomfort radar and power on through the initial uncertainty of the process of becoming close to someone you don't know that well. 

4 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

Ah. I know what you're saying. I am terrible about socializing. I feel bad about it. I know I'm missing out.

Jo said...

It's not so much socialising I'm talking about though... that's a different thing. It's that particular awkwardness of really liking someone but not being at all embedded in their lives yet, not being sure of their reactions and opinions, etc. The pre-friendship dance when nothing is fixed. It's fun but self conscious. An investment, like I said.

You have lots of people in your life, though, Mary. So many people you can just pick up with where you last left off. That's the best thing - completely the opposite of what I'm talking about and such a good feeling!

Mwa said...

Oh it is hard. So hard. But sometimes really worth it. And then you end up wishing you could just have a single night in with Facebook and the TV on. Maybe next week...

K8 the Gr8 said...

Time passes so quickly, though. You've got to grab it while it's not looking or else it'll find you something else to do. That's my problem.. when time's not looking, I tend to nap.