I love Patrick Stewart. He seems to me to be an exceptional man, a man to emulate. I'm so sad to hear that this is his story. I love his voice, his words, his honesty. He seems to be such a grand, brave man. I'm g lad that he's lending that voice to this work.
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Wow. You know, reading that, I could feel the old memories of that fear of my stepfather creeping in again. He never physically abused my mother (that I know of) but his emotional abuse was profound and he did spank us- his children- and of course, he did sexually abuse me and that fear of waiting to hear if he was going to come into my room was awful. I still dream about that, you know. I dream that I come home to what I think is going to be an empty house and find that he is there (this really did happen to me once as a teenager) and knowing I had no lock on my door and lying awake, seeing the light on because he was still awake too. And even if my mother WAS there, she went to bed in a far, far distant part of the house early, and I could see the light on because he stayed up so late.
Oh Jo.
Whenever he was in the house, his presence filled us all with fear. One never knew when he would lose his shit. He did it quietly.
And, I remember my "real" father threatening my mother with physical violence.
Jesus. I had a great childhood, huh? It's a wonder I survived.
I feel such deep empathy for anyone who grew up in a situation like that. And our number is legion.
So many broken people. I used to watch Star Trek and wish he was my father - or my mother's boyfriend, at least. And now he seems so aware of his own emotional blocks and his rage and pain that he recorded from his father, who was clearly such an emotional mess. And your stepfather... ugh. I have no idea. I'm sorry it was so awful, Mary. I think all we can do is focus on ourselves. Even though it was terrible and terrifying, we deeply and completely love and accept ourselves... I'm going to put my energy into this for a while even though I find it really... hmm. Frustrating.
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