Wednesday, January 25, 2012

spam ching

I swear to God, I just got some sort of I Ching spam with all sorts of keywords of the stuff I was just thinking about. How bizarre.

Yet We have in addition noticed how frequently I was manipulated. Our mistakeBuy WOW Gold Cheaphas been thinking throughout your pet, as well as thinking that will love might beat everything. Sure, love can be wonderful and fortifying along with buoying, but only if it functions for both. During my predicament, it just has not been. Refer to it the emotional lack, a new compound disproportion, it doesn't matter. I provided my wish to an unacceptableWOW Gold Cheap individual. Simply. reddish any time Tina's inquired this since I understand how that can feel to be able to ponder the idea, to try to look "inward" once the solution is outward. It's not usually inside of our self to get these solutions, however at times, this really is someone complain about in addition. So to Tina and all sorts of one other persons, one parent or guardian or else, whomever has experienced their particular heart trampled or perhaps his or her soul broken or onwomen! It's all your fault!

I've got a certain amount of ... pressure over the last few years for not choosing something I feel would harm my kids. For not putting my happiness before theirs. But I am aware, in my heart, of what I am built for, and am not built for. And it comes home to me now, as I process my feelings, that the chances are that this will always be the way. I'm more than capable of selfishness and neglect. But actively doing something for myself that will hurt someone I love... probably not so much. I guess I did it to my husband, and that haunts me, as do all the things I got wrong in my life, especially around my wedding and my mother.... but if it comes down to an active choice rather than a passive letting it all go to hell... well. No. I won't put my needs first if it hurts someone. I can't say no. Perversely, I have to feel guilty about that too - I don't want to be the martyred Irish mammy, it's frustrating, it frustrates other people, unless they're the people who want things to be that certain way. But when I see where the pain comes from... I'd rather sacrifice myself to comfort you. My feelings are just ... feelings. The people I love are more important, so I can put them away. I'm a soft touch. And this, I suppose, is just how it is.

1 comment:

catherine said...

I hear ya Jo..your last sentiment rings through with me too..ahh..i dont even think about it anymore..its just he way it is..for now anyway..