Tuesday, December 25, 2012


I want to curse this Christmas cold that is stopping me tasting anything... I had one last year too! But at the same time, it's also discouraging me from over-eating (all I could taste of my mil's dinner was the wateriness of the mushy sprouts... it was an odd, and not so charming sensation.

But yes... what's the point in eating cookies if you can't taste anything?

I'm hiding from my kids right now, as Olivia has been awake since 5 am, and I feel a bit ill and tired and not hugely Christmassy, in truth. It's all good though, no drama today, apart from a few moments of meltdown with Olivia over shoes and forgetting to put wings on the angel for her magnificent nativity scene - she wept and I went back and got the plasticene so she could finish it. Perfectionist tendencies, yes. Reminding us things will never really be fully normal.

Bodhi keeps accusing her of breaking the Spirit of Christmas - he said it yesterday in my grandmother's, and I thought she's actually broken something, but it turns out she was just being mean on Christmas Eve.

I think my grandmother might be dying. It seems she had another stroke, and gastroenteritis the other day that's weakened her a lot. I think she's been in bed since. I'd better go see her again tomorrow, though part of me feels like she's almost already gone. Axl just gave his mother a book by a neuroscientist he heard on the radio - this guy was a scientist sceptic, and knew all about the brain, obviously, and contracted awful meningitis and was brain dead for two weeks - during which time he found himself having fabulous experiences - and came back to life converted, as his brain had not been working during this time, and he concludes that this proves the existence of a separate soul. I don't think she could take that all in if I told her now, sadly, it might help. Yesterday she got back into bed after using the comode and said, 'oh, I'm dying'. The lady looking after her rushed to deny it, and I thought, god, why? What's the point in that? I'd much rather tell her it's ok. Surrender to it. Let go. Don't just hush her up and leave her alone with her fears. It may come to a point of not bringing her to hospital soon... which I'm all for, if they can bear it, as a few days on a trolley will do her in anyway, and better to die at home. Yes. I don't know if it will come to that, I'm just afraid of pnemonia coming again. We will see.

In the meantime, I have potatoes to slice, cheese to grate, cabbage to chop etc.
I hope you all had a good day! 

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