Wednesday, February 13, 2013

I've had a slightly crappy couple days. Nastiness from Axl that leaves me feeling all horrible and defensive/angry and miserable with nowhere for that to go. Bitchy children. My daughter's problems taking over.

I had some drinks last night and stayed up with my new friend, the kids' friends' mum... she had a horrible day the day before and was sad, so I offered wine and conversation. It turns out her husband is not being any more husbandly than Axl is, and has moved her out of their room (as he does every January?). They've got four kids, three under five. Difficult times. She's got no income, many little ones and a completely unsupportive partner who rolls his eyes when she tells him she heard a favourite colleague of hers died.

I keep hearing from people who are retreating from their relationships like I did, yet have no way to move on. It's sad. It's not a good one. Free advice: do not get involved with a man who cannot talk to you. Back away. Start running.

That smug internet memey thing drives me mad - you know that one, about the couple who have been married 50 years, and one of them says, well, in our day, people used to fix things that got broken, not just throw them away.

Which I think is pretty much bullshit, to be honest. Fifty years ago, in Ireland at least, people were far more likely to live in misery rather than fix anything, be it domestic abuse, child abuse, silent misery or deep dissatisfaction. There weren't that many tools for fixing anything. No one gave a shit. 'You go home and do your duty', my friend's grandmother told her mother, when she left because her husband was hitting her and her children.

Loneliness and lack of support is hard to fix too. Maybe leaving isn't the answer, but I know too many people who don't seem to have a better one. Sigh. 

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