Saturday, May 17, 2014

I went to see my grandmother today. I haven't gone in ages - months, now. Awful. I mean to, then on the weekend I just sleeeeep. I was going to go tomorrow and meet my cousin there (my first cousin once removed?) but she's got to go to her grand daughter's first communion... I think that should be in capitals... so isn't going, which suits me, as I want to go to the family day in the Iveagh gardens tomorrow with a friend of Bodhi's and his mum, and I'd double booked myself.

Interjection - I just don't know what to do - Bodhi want me AND his dad to come, but Olivia still can't wear clothes - she just tried on t shirt but they rubbed her neck raw :( Now she won't come down and hang out with her friend from last week again. I'm so sad about all this. Bodhi wants family outings, and Olivia's problems are making that impossible. She thinks I only care about what's good for him, and I guess I made it sound like that - but it's for all of us. All of us together, we need a bit more normalcy. Today is fucking beautiful, 21 degrees and perfect, but I couldn't take them anywhere. I have to leave her here alone while I go out to walk the dog, to go to the shop, visit my grandmother and I shouldn't do any of that, even though I know she's ok. Sigh. I'm tired of it.

Anyway, yeah - my granny's approaching 97 now, showing no signs of flagging really. Well, she's totally flagged - standing up is an exhaustion - but she chatted away surprisingly clearly, about most things, at least. She still doesn't really know where she is.

The woman in the next room was shouting for help intermittently, but when I said it to the nurse, she said, oh, not to worry, she's fine. I guess they let the old people cry it out now too...
My granny made the usual remark about not living til her birthday - I asked her if she was making any plans to die before it, and she conceded that she was still too interested in looking at the trees and the sky and talking to people. A surprisingly positive attitude! And one that is true, I think, despite what she said in the past. It makes me feel a bit better about her being there... not a lot, though. I wish there was a better option, but there just isn't, really. 

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