Monday, June 30, 2014

I'm living in a bit of a sea of social anxiety at the moment. My period's just arriving, I left it a few days late to get my Pills, I suppose these things don't help. The problem with whatever dyspraxic sort of thing I suffer from, though, is, you know you're getting it wrong, but you don't know how to stop. And sometimes the worrying about getting it wrong and not irritating people becomes the irritating thing in itself, but you're so worried about getting irritating people ...

It's exhausting.

I complain all the time.

I get narky with the kids and I can't stop.

Sometimes our house is an endless round of stress and nastiness and I fear it all stems from me.

Sometimes I wish I could just not talk to anyone at all.

My head hurts. I think because I left my prescription late.

Noise is hard to deal with at the moment.

I'm dreading the logistics of getting to the funeral tomorrow. I wanted to write something, but I didn't. And my father didn't ask me to read anything anyway. And maybe these aren't the people I should be sharing my writing with. I should just write it here instead.

Sometimes when I'm talking to you, I'm babbling on and on but I'm actually lost - I don't really know what I'm saying, or how to just ... stop. It's disconcerting. I don't know how to people, sometimes.

1 comment:

Ms. Moon said...

I often find myself writing to know how I truly feel. This is a gift and it's okay and you do it too.