Monday, August 17, 2015

I haven't posted recently because everything is blehhh. I just want to sleep all the time. I'm not thinking very clearly. I've nothing interesting to say.

Axl and Bodhi are going off on our family holiday on Thursday. They're taking the Granny with them as I have to stay with Cassia, who's refused to go.

It's ok. I'm only sad to miss nice dinners and the pool. Bodhi wanted a family holiday, of course, but it'll be no harm for him to have a week off. As long as Granny doesn't go on and on and on about it the whole time, in Irish Granny fashion.

In the wee hours of Sunday morning I read an article on a husband and wife with chronic illnesses who went to Switzerland to avail of assisted suicide, she 18 months before. They had campaigned for its legality in Wales, and their friends now faced possible repercussions for going to be with them when they died. It was so sad. But such an important right, I feel. Then I woke from a dream at 8am of a friend who was once incredibly dear to me choosing euthanasia because of chronic anxiety. I supported his choice and went with him (I would so not be the person there, though, it was odd) and then afterwards began having terrible doubts about whether he'd done the right thing, if he should have tried more medication than he had, it was only anxiety, what about, what if, etc.

I woke up angst wracked, and after much deliberation messaged his wife on fb to ask her to give him a hug. I wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do, as I once told them I'd had a sex dream about him while I was pregnant and it made them both all worried I had 'latent desires' or why would I have told him (surely if I'd had latent desires I would have kept quiet about it??) and perhaps that's something that contributed to the end of our friendship. But ANYWAY, I did, and I felt better, especially when his wife got back to me a couple days later and said, what an awful dream, he's grand, he's sitting here having a beer and reading the paper.

So that was a good image to replace the dream with.

I need to tell people stuff, as you may have noticed, confessional whinge blog and all. It makes me feel better. All my life people have had issues with that. It's a dyspraxic thing, I think, it's hard to really understand, er, discretion, I suppose is what it is :) I just don't really understand discretion. I guess I'm not au fait with valour, either, thinking about it.

PS good news, peeps, I just rediscovered the spell check button, I thought it was gone. I hope that helps my typo crimes a bit! 


Ms. Moon said...

I'm glad you sent that text. I surely am. But I am also sad that you don't get a vacation.

Jo said...

Me too. I wanted the swimming and sunshine.

Mwa said...

I always blurt out everything as well. I'm a blurter.

Boo to you not getting a holiday!