The party was great. Full of twinkle and sparkling wine and too much food.
Sadly, I got way behind 'schedule' for want of a better work and was clumsily icing (fucking up) the cake as people were arriving - and kept trying to fucking talk to me while I was doing it! So it was a bit of a disappointing Frankencake and I did not take pictures. *bah*
But I got wonderful cards and presents, which I will take pictures of later, and people were so good to me. The kids were great and the wine flowed and all was good - though the house was a bit cold, mostly because I left a window open and forgot about it. Oops...
There's one little thing... one of my oldest friends who has in the past made a lot of time for my birthday is really busy this year, doing a course in another part of the country. Sadly, her mother's birthday is the day after mine, and our celebrations often clash - as happened this year, so she didn't make the party. She was full of offers to call over briefly before, but she would be running from work, here, then back to the restaurant, and I knew I'd be busy, so I said come over for cake today.
I texted her this morning to say come for lunch, from the computer, then didn't check my phone to see her asking when, as she had to get on the road again soon - by the time I texted back... she'd left already. She has a workshop...
Rationally, I know she's mad busy, she had a lot of commitments, there's no reason to expect special treatment from her... but god, it hurts - the realisation that she's way more important to me than I am to her is a stinging one. I only see her a few times a year at this stage and she breaks dates all the time.
I pull up the big girl panties a lot, and I know it's the right thing to do now too. But ... it's hard. I feel really sad about this. It's not just a routine birthday. The thing is, I don't really know how to go about processing this as an adult. As a kid or a teenager, I'd, I don't know, get in a huff and say accusing things and we'd have a big outing of feelings and a resolution. As an adult, that really doesn't appeal. And also, it is what it is, I don't want to throw any guilt at her and also, well, the whole like-imbalance thing is my problem, it's not like I can make her want to be round me more.
So I don't think there's anything to do about it, it's just a question of how to process this rather tender, embarrassing hurt that goes with the territory of unrequited friendship. I don't know how to answer her back. I don't want to say, ok, see you in a fortnight, assuming you've time at that point, when it doesn't feel ok. And I don't want to reply with a 'wow, I feel so hurt right now' either.
But I doooo.
Sadly, I got way behind 'schedule' for want of a better work and was clumsily icing (fucking up) the cake as people were arriving - and kept trying to fucking talk to me while I was doing it! So it was a bit of a disappointing Frankencake and I did not take pictures. *bah*
But I got wonderful cards and presents, which I will take pictures of later, and people were so good to me. The kids were great and the wine flowed and all was good - though the house was a bit cold, mostly because I left a window open and forgot about it. Oops...
There's one little thing... one of my oldest friends who has in the past made a lot of time for my birthday is really busy this year, doing a course in another part of the country. Sadly, her mother's birthday is the day after mine, and our celebrations often clash - as happened this year, so she didn't make the party. She was full of offers to call over briefly before, but she would be running from work, here, then back to the restaurant, and I knew I'd be busy, so I said come over for cake today.
I texted her this morning to say come for lunch, from the computer, then didn't check my phone to see her asking when, as she had to get on the road again soon - by the time I texted back... she'd left already. She has a workshop...
Rationally, I know she's mad busy, she had a lot of commitments, there's no reason to expect special treatment from her... but god, it hurts - the realisation that she's way more important to me than I am to her is a stinging one. I only see her a few times a year at this stage and she breaks dates all the time.
I pull up the big girl panties a lot, and I know it's the right thing to do now too. But ... it's hard. I feel really sad about this. It's not just a routine birthday. The thing is, I don't really know how to go about processing this as an adult. As a kid or a teenager, I'd, I don't know, get in a huff and say accusing things and we'd have a big outing of feelings and a resolution. As an adult, that really doesn't appeal. And also, it is what it is, I don't want to throw any guilt at her and also, well, the whole like-imbalance thing is my problem, it's not like I can make her want to be round me more.
So I don't think there's anything to do about it, it's just a question of how to process this rather tender, embarrassing hurt that goes with the territory of unrequited friendship. I don't know how to answer her back. I don't want to say, ok, see you in a fortnight, assuming you've time at that point, when it doesn't feel ok. And I don't want to reply with a 'wow, I feel so hurt right now' either.
But I doooo.
7 comments:
I don't know the answer either. I'd probably just suck it up and say, "See you soon!"
Sigh. I think you're right. But I'm still not saying anything for right now. Will try and adjust my expectations in the meantime.
Jo - I can feel your feelings. I have been feeling so disappointed in people lately. I guess we are all self-centered but I guess I try to hide mine and do the right thing on the outside. In return I feel I get selfishness back and it makes me want to retreat. Ms Moon is right of course but it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. I'm sorry it turned out like that and maybe you can have a talk with her about how bad you feel considering this is a special birthday. I hope so. Sending you a great big hug. Joanne
I feel that! (I have it too. I always opt for the breezy response because otherwise I know I'd drive them away even more but fuck it hurts.)
You're all right, and no, I wouldn't want to have some reciminatory conversation with her, that would not be on.
I'm over it... I just have to reshuffle my expectations is all. She's busy and under pressure and I am not a baby, and that's that.
maybe you could say that? The last two sentences. It shows your honesty, it's not accusatory, it's not 'hey ho everything is fine', you acknowledge her busy life AND you let her know you value her a lot. Which is never a bad thing.
love
Ah, there's no need to say anything. It's only an issue at this end, not at hers.
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