I think there's something amiss with my nose. It's crackling, sort of, sometimes, it feels like it needs to click into place inside. I don't know why. I need to go to a face osteopath and have them micro-manipulate my head. Put everything where it should be, so I don't clench my teeth anymore, and my eyes go big and bright and alive and pretty (I've actually had that happen before, long ago). I don't know who does this, though, and I have such a list of things I need worked on.

I wish I was active and eager and dynamic. I wish it wasn't so hard for me to do stuff. Stuff, it does not come easy to me, be it room-tidying, working, posting something on facebook I'm meant to post, going out to do the things I have to do.

I'm not up at the moment. I'm tormenting myself with inner woes and inadequacies again. I know that life would be better if I could just *do* the things I don't do, instead of sitting around hating myself for not doing them. Obviously. I'm not doing the best at the moment. I miss being able to pour it all out here.

I think I've got a lot older and less naive. Which is good. But it's a joyless sort of reality I inhabit now. Easier, as I've given up on expectation but then, maybe I've lost something fun, in that, too.

Anyway - two nice things. One was seeing Axl's niece today, a smiley, smiley happy little toddler, zooming around her granny's house full of busy fun.

The other, oh, my, living Disney. Bodhi and I went to the football fields to walk the dog - we have a ball thrower and a tennis ball that both of them like to chase - Bodhi is loving running around and flinging himself on the grass at the moment. We met a nice lady with a little boy and a young golden retriever called Daisy. I love golden retrievers, I wish we had one (much as I like our funny little shorty dog we do have). My family had one when I was a child, and she was so sweet, and beautiful. At one point, Daisy saw a huge golden male retriever, who trotted over to meet her. They approached each other face on, nose to nose, slowly and happily, and romantic music and bluebirds started playing as they stood nose to nose, wagging their tails. Then Daisy lay down, actually collapsed onto her side in a show of delight, and stretched out a paw to the handsome dog she was meeting, It was hilarious and so cute. Doggy romance.

Then he ambled over to say hello to the humans. He was enormous, and his golden hair was thick and wavy, his head huge and broad and so handsome. He had a ball in his mouth, quite comfortably, and when he got up to us he leaned against my legs in the sweetest way. I leaned over and hugged him and he snuggled in in total comfort - I'm telling you, they're angel creatures. Then he ambled off to his owner again. For the few minutes it took me to walk to the car I was thinking, that's it, I'm getting one, I don't care, I must have a retriever! Then I remembered I wouldn't actually be able to afford to feed it, so I had to give up on that idea. Still tempted to foster, though... Olivia loves them too, and actually agreed to my mad suggestion. We don't have space, though, not really. I should probably stop thinking about it...