The mist is rolling, creeping back in off the hill again. If this were a story, it would contain something eldritch.
I stayed up last night after doing a 'Bodhi' search and read through pages of posts about his, and sometimes Olivia's little funnies and phrases. So many magical little funny stories. And all the sad stuff about what was going so badly wrong too.
And then I couldn't sleep, and I kept reading and crying. So I stayed up til about 1.15 I think. And then I woke up at 6am, full of anxiety and adrenaline and realised that I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep again so I womaned up and got up and went swimming. But swimming is sorta shit because there's a lot of thinking time as you go up and down, up and down. And either someone who was freshly sprayed with perfume came in and polluted the whole pool, or they sprayed air freshener to mask the smell if pee that's sometimes very evident, though it wasn't this morning (they say it's the drains from across the road, but I dunno) so I was gulping down stinging artifical floral crap with each breath, and that was shit. I'm a bit allergic to perfumes. I can't wear them, and the way the water seems to disperse them is horrible. Not a good feeling. Too many bad smells in that place. Once someone had a smoke outside the back doors so I was breathing in smoke each time I swam down to the end of the pool... bleh. The perfume is worse, though, I think, it affects my chest and sinuses a lot. Doesn't help me stop thinking about bad things.
My colleague who's a bit of a mighty athletic type suggests just exhausting yourself so you can only think about gasp, keep going, gasp, pant, one more and I think that's a good idea. I'm just not exercising violently enough.
I stayed up last night after doing a 'Bodhi' search and read through pages of posts about his, and sometimes Olivia's little funnies and phrases. So many magical little funny stories. And all the sad stuff about what was going so badly wrong too.
And then I couldn't sleep, and I kept reading and crying. So I stayed up til about 1.15 I think. And then I woke up at 6am, full of anxiety and adrenaline and realised that I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep again so I womaned up and got up and went swimming. But swimming is sorta shit because there's a lot of thinking time as you go up and down, up and down. And either someone who was freshly sprayed with perfume came in and polluted the whole pool, or they sprayed air freshener to mask the smell if pee that's sometimes very evident, though it wasn't this morning (they say it's the drains from across the road, but I dunno) so I was gulping down stinging artifical floral crap with each breath, and that was shit. I'm a bit allergic to perfumes. I can't wear them, and the way the water seems to disperse them is horrible. Not a good feeling. Too many bad smells in that place. Once someone had a smoke outside the back doors so I was breathing in smoke each time I swam down to the end of the pool... bleh. The perfume is worse, though, I think, it affects my chest and sinuses a lot. Doesn't help me stop thinking about bad things.
My colleague who's a bit of a mighty athletic type suggests just exhausting yourself so you can only think about gasp, keep going, gasp, pant, one more and I think that's a good idea. I'm just not exercising violently enough.
1 comment:
You know I walk for exercise and I listen to audio books as I go which is why I do still walk, to tell you the truth. But in the summer when it gets as hot as it gets here, I absolutely disassociate from my body until I realize I'm about to puke from the heat, at which point I am almost always about home.
Thank god.
Post a Comment