Saturday, July 9, 2016

Some people get annoyed with 'everything happens for a reason' and 'you choose your own happiness' type memes on facebook, which have spawned a million memes like this

They're soothing.

However, my least favourite 'positive' memes are the current crop of them that I suppose could be described as the tough love inspirational meme genre, like the one I saw this morning that said

Now you know I'm the first person to admit I'm a whiny, self-pitying bitch who does not fulfill the saintly special-needs-mom-hero picture I should, but oh, readers, I fucking hate these things. I hate their passive aggression and pseudo- practical enlightenment, and their judgy condemnation-masquerading-as-goodness. I hate the way they make me feel.

I've been reducing my fucking glass for years. I don't expect to be loved by anyone any more. I don't expect to have sex again in my life. I don't expect to get a hug. I don't expect to to go out much at all. I don't expect to have a pension. I don't expect to be able to turn the heat on in Winter because Olivia can't stand the noise. I don't expect to travel or be able to go very far from home on any given day. I don't expect to be a grandparent, because I'm not sure people should be bringing children into this world as it stands today. I don't expect to have holidays again. I don't expect Christmas presents. I don't expect to have a job that pays well. There are lots of things I accept, and while my glass is full compared to many (I have a house, I've never been unable to conceive or lost a child, I have my health so far, I can run a car, I share parenting and bills with another human, I have people who treat me to lunch sometimes etc. etc.), my glass is fairly small. So while yes, I should stop bitching, also, FUCK OFF.

Why am I writing this? Because I just saw this.

And I love it because it's a lot more realistic and positive than the 'stop bitching' one above. But also because she wouldn't be as smiley and content if her bucket was half the fucking size it is.


Ms. Moon said...

Well, I hate all those memes. So there. Bossy, judgmental bullshit.
That is a cute baby, though.
Jo- in all seriousness, it breaks my heart that you have such a sorrowful lack of expectations. One cannot live without some joy, some enjoyment, in their life.
What can we do about this?

Jo said...

The thing is, I'm sort of ok. On lots of levels, and I'm aware of that.

40 is interesting. I'm learning things about myself and how to move forward. Much of that is genuinely accepting a small glass, which is freeing in many ways. Reducing expectation is recognising my limits and not yearning for things that I know (right now) I am not up to creating, and trying not to beat myself up for that.

I'm trying to simplify and I have been realising that this means shrinking my world. For example - the thing with my friend re Johhny Depp - she hasn't got back to me despite my attempts to explain, and I think I have to just accept that and leave her to it. I don't think I can change myself to the degree I would need to to stop that sort of thing happening. Similarly, last night I responded to someone's comment in a way I thought was merely a continuation of their musing, and they left a cross put down for me - and I was oblivious to the idea that I had said something wrong. Again, I'm not going to blame myself for getting it wrong anymore, I'm just going to stop commenting. Smaller glass. Simpler world.

You'll forgive me if I need to bitch about it occasionally though. Becoming uncomplaining is a work in progress.

Elsewhere said...

If you have a really tiny glass
it's easier to say: my cup runneth over...

(I hate those judging blaming memes too.) (And I think sometimes complaining is the only real human thing to do.)

Your list of not expecting made me sad. And I realized there was a lot of my own sadness in it.