Tuesday, August 2, 2016

I hate PMS

I've just had a protracted 'conversation' with Olivia about why I take issue with realistic shooting segments in the games she likes. Her position is, shall we say, unnuanced and not aware of the bigger picture.

I keep trying to stop the argument, but you don't get to do that with her.

Her father walks out of his room to go to the shower and she turns to him, demanding, 'You don't have a problem with guns in video games, do you?'

And he answers, 'No, but there's no point arguing.'

And it's making me fucking cry.

If I could have seen this moment with my stinking child on the spectrumwho won't eat, wash, or avail of education and my husband whose values and understanding of the world differ so extremely from mine so often, would I have walked into the future so blindly? God knows. I suppose I'm still doing it.

Arguing with someone with Asperger's is so pointless. It is such a horrible feeling. It's futile. Subjective statements don't work. What are you meant to do, as a mother? How do you retain any control of anything when you will just be over-ridden, or beaten down on every point? It makes me feel so weak, and hopeless. 

1 comment:

Ms. Moon said...

I'm listening to a book right now ("Bridge of Sighs" by Richard Russo) whose main theme is that people are who they are and when we are baffled by their behavior when we know quite well how they are going to behave, we are the ones who are being ridiculous.
Does that make sense?
And who knows if you would have walked into this future if you'd had that vision? It's a moot point, Jo. I'm sorry. God. What an incredibly difficult place you are in.