I just had my mind blown a little bit. By the tweet of a lovely intelligent, educated, cultured woman on twitter who has a great marriage and family and is having a Sunday in bed with tea, told she deserves it because she is an 'excellent wife'. And then her sweet affirming tweet a little later, 'I really am an excellent wife'.
We don't think about that so much today, do we? Or do we? I know Mary does. Why haven't I noticed before, in the same was as I'm thinking about it now? I was a terrible wife. There were extenuating circumstances, but the result was all the same in the end. And the worst part is, I'm not sure I thought so much about it, I was so wrapped up in all the things that were stopping me being a good wife. I'm pretty sure I thought about what kind of husband I wanted my husband to be, though. I thought about me. I bet I didn't stop to think about what I needed to be, and how to take pride in that.
Partly because of all the extenuating circumstances, partly because of immaturity, and that I was probably not being able to be a good wife because I was being... not a bad person, exactly, but a mess of a person. Which maybe comes to the same thing. I really don't know how the scales measure weakness and self-absorbedness over actual evil, if such a thing exists.
I suddenly feel this is a thing we should be learning again, despite it's awful 1950s connotations. How to be a partner. I feel gripped with a fear that I never considered that at all. How awful.
This period is being a bit of a tough one. And I'm dieting, so I can't suppress all the misery with food. In fact, I'm going to lunch shortly, and I'm not having a cooked breakfast (which is cooking now) and that sadness alone is making me want to cry too.
We don't think about that so much today, do we? Or do we? I know Mary does. Why haven't I noticed before, in the same was as I'm thinking about it now? I was a terrible wife. There were extenuating circumstances, but the result was all the same in the end. And the worst part is, I'm not sure I thought so much about it, I was so wrapped up in all the things that were stopping me being a good wife. I'm pretty sure I thought about what kind of husband I wanted my husband to be, though. I thought about me. I bet I didn't stop to think about what I needed to be, and how to take pride in that.
Partly because of all the extenuating circumstances, partly because of immaturity, and that I was probably not being able to be a good wife because I was being... not a bad person, exactly, but a mess of a person. Which maybe comes to the same thing. I really don't know how the scales measure weakness and self-absorbedness over actual evil, if such a thing exists.
I suddenly feel this is a thing we should be learning again, despite it's awful 1950s connotations. How to be a partner. I feel gripped with a fear that I never considered that at all. How awful.
This period is being a bit of a tough one. And I'm dieting, so I can't suppress all the misery with food. In fact, I'm going to lunch shortly, and I'm not having a cooked breakfast (which is cooking now) and that sadness alone is making me want to cry too.
3 comments:
What an interesting post, Jo!
I do indeed try to be a good wife and I know that my husband tries to be a good husband. We try to be the best partners we can be to each other. We are very important to each other and our relationship is too.
BUT- it has taken many, many years for this to happen. We have treated each other as well as we could, I think, from the beginning but when one is young, it is so hard to see the forest for the trees and we are so much more apt to be emotional and still so hormonal that the concept of (dare I say this?) self-sacrifice on any level is hard to practice and yet, in any relationship it sometimes just absolutely necessary to put the needs of another above our own. For a while, anyway. And sometimes our needs are the most important and it's all a very complicated dance. Throw in our families' needs, our own emotional baggage, the differences in upbringings and ideas about relationships learned from our parents, our culture, and I am not sure how anyone makes it as a couple.
But oh, the rewards when one does!
I feel so fortunate that my husband came from a family which truly did love and enjoy each other. It showed me that it was possible and perhaps that has made all of the difference.
And trust me- there is never, ever going to be sweet and harmonious perfection at all times.
Just aint' gonna happen.
I am not sure how anyone makes it as a couple.
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I'm not gonna lie, I've had the same thought.
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