waiting

Look what us poor mothers and the poor babies have to go through: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xath6kOf0NE&mode=related&search=

It's hard to get my head around the idea that in a matter of weeks (god willing!) I 'll be giving birth to this baby currently stretching inside me. I think with my first I was excited and nervous and also so not ready for it to happen. now I'm ready in one sense (in the sick of being pregnant sense) though not in the preparing house for new arrival sense. At least the husband dispatched the evil and mysterious smell in the hall, where I plan to erect the birth pool (though that's the wrong word for such a lovely oval inflatable thing as it is) with the help of Vanish carpet cleaner. Then I realised he'd spilled pool water on the place where the binbag I'd placed by the door had leaked old pickle water and bin juice - bleh. Baking powder not an efficient cleaner in that particular case!

I digress. Unpleasantly.

So now I'm feeling very calm and welcoming - I think thanks to the hypnobirthing - any time I tend towards a hint of thinking 'Oh my god, labour, pushing, pain, what if something goes wrong??' a feeling of confident calm sweeps beatifically over me. But it's still odd to imagine that it's going to happen. In some ways I don't quite believe it.

And then what about after? I don't have the same sense of connection to this baby that I had with my daughter - at this stage I knew her already, that she was a girl, that she had an incredibly strong will. This one seems more of a mystery, I suppose because I had the time and space to really pay attention?

So what will my labour turn out to be?

I hope it will be at night.
Calm and quiet, if like the last one that will be fine, it was manageable.
I want the time to get to use the pool!
To avoid pushing and breathe the baby out it would be soooo nice.
I want to feel supported, not alone during the last stage.
I want to avoid tearing at all this time - good management of last stage.
I won't be afraid to expel the placenta this time!

And like last time, I'm looking forward to getting into my bed, with fresh linen, and snuggling with all of us and the baby and having a glass of prosecco (apparently good for breastfeeding! and a slice of cake - not my MIL's flavourless apple tart. Or her, for a few hours after.) And this time the baby goes in a sling, poor thing. No motherinlaw-erly poking of the newborn this time!

Here are some beautiful videos of births: http://www.birthasweknowit.com/trailer.html

I'm an auntie!

This is a two part post - one with my musing about Caesarean birth as I nervously wait for news of my Sister in Law's op - and after, when everything is fine!

My sister in law has just had a C section this morning and I am waiting for news,

I was talking to my husband and we were sensible coming to the conclusion that they’re looking after her, and N’s brother is holding the baby, lost in awe and not in any position to make phone calls.

The fact that he’s not calling yet is good, as it means my mother in law hasn’t grabbed the baby and shoved him out of the room!

I’m very conflicted – the whole process of a Caesarean leaves me very emotions – my SIL won’t be able to hold her baby straight after its birth, or put it to her breast and have skin to skin contact for an hour. She’ll be having the hole in her abdomen stitched, which may or may not become infected. And being medicated with drugs that may make her feel weird and trippy and not herself for days. What are the chances that breastfeeding will be successful, if she feels up to trying – with the pain of the wound and her faintly suspicious feelings about it from the start.

Will the hospital tell my BIL about skin to skin contact, and give him a quiet place to stay with his child, so that somebody is holding them, talking to them. Imprinting a sense of love and security in them?

Is it a boy like we think?

These are all my fears about having a CSection – though I know L was worried herself this morning – how could you not be when facing major surgery? And on the other hand, the baby was not engaging, was not staying in one position even, but flipping from the dangerous transverse, to head down to breech – if that had gone on they might have worked them selves in to a fit, and the baby’s chord could have got caught – all in all, perhaps the section was indeed the safest option,

It’s not what I would have done, I don’t think. I would have to be convinced that my baby was in danger, before I gave my birth process over to that medical version, and lost out on so much of what I feel is central to the experience of birthing. But not everybody feels like that about it, or knows they do.

And I have read more than one very positive C-section story that started out as hypno or homebirths. Stories that retained the awe, the wonder and the peace of a homebirth.

Well, updated news – my baby nephew (!) has been safely born, weighed 8lb 12oz, the same as my daughter, and has been named with the same beautiful name as my first ever love! My MIL did not gate crash the party, my SIL is doing fine, and is breastfeeding successfully! More power to her – I‘m so happy. We’re going up to goo and coo tomorrow. How lovely to have a new baby in the family.

So in retrospect, I think this was probably the best course for everyone - even the reluctant baby on one level, because it was sounding like he would have got himself into trouble if he'd tried to come naturally. If he was my baby I would be very conscious of his reluctance to get into position and be born - how would I handle that? I don't know, I wouldn't force rebirthing on the child, but I would treat it with remedies, osteopathy? lots of carrying him in the sling. I don't know what else. But I'm sure his adoring parents will make him feel very very loved and happy to be here!