I don't know what to write about. I feel devoid of interest. In both the sense of interesting or interested. See, you're bored already.

I asked Olivia what I should write about and she seized the chance to suggest (again) that I should write about her father snoring like a hippo, on my blog. I don't know why she's so keen on the idea yet she is. She even told him about it. I hastened to assure him it wasn't my idea, but he seemed alright with it.

There's a sort of a sad bed saga in our room. After years of a not very comfy mattress, I splashed out loadsa money on a natural latex one, and a bed by the same company that was just lovely. It arrived late, and the more affordable range mattress was always pretty uncomfortable. I should have got the deluxe one with all sorts of padding, but the money was getting silly - the one I tried out in the shop seemed fine, but it was on raised slats - oh, all this detail is very boring. In the end, the guy who sold it to me gave us a lovely free wool stuffed mattress topper, which helped a lot, but not enough, and I wake up every morning with crippling back pain. And Axel's snoring has got worse and worse. Though, age, smoking and lack of excercise probably contribute too.

So I dream of a perfect pristine bed with crisp covers and fat pillows and blackout blinds that work. And silence. Aloneness. Sleeping in solitude, unwoken all night long. Not stirring til I wake naturally, except maybe for a quick second at 6.30 am where I briefly surface from a dream of some handsome celebrity, wake enough to register my blissful comfort, warmth and sleepfulness, and the loveliness of drifting back into the dream again, for hours and snuggly hours.

TV3 Or not TV3

I have a dilemma, a quandary... a production company approached me looking ofr a homebirth fmialy for a diary documentary series - our episode would be on birth. We did a 'screen test' for them last week and apparently they like the look of us, and will get back to us in a week or so if they want us.

I think it would just entail a few visits here - one or two before the birth, perhaps during a midwife visit, then (and this is the tricky bit) just after the birth - which the producer vaguely (yet firmly!) said would maybe be a couple hours afterwards. I don't think they really understand what this means - they're happy not to film the birth (which I wouldn't have had anyway!) but they will want to be chatting to me, in my bedrom, over my off-spring who wil be a few hours old!

The problem with this is it slightly goes against the intimacy and peace of a homebirth (Jesus, peace, there's a horrible little dog yapping enlessly outside, which is driving me nuts. The magpies are pissing me off too at the moment, I thinK I need a pellet gun. You can tell I'm pregnant, I'm ususally a peacenik animal lover). The whole point of a HB is just having your chosen nearest and dearest around you and a lovely baby mooon after. Significantly, how can I keep my mother-in-law at bay this time if I've just invited a film crew into my bedroom?

The reasons I would like to do this are to promote a postiive view of a natural homebirth, and because I wanted nothing more, after the crap I received during my first pregnancy, than to tell everybody my birth story, and say, see, this is what it can be like. I didn't need the epidural, I didn't endanger my baby, listen to this great stry. I suppose telling my birth story on tv with my newborn in my arms would really let me feel I'd done that!

On the downside, I'm worried that keeping my house clean enough to go on TV will cause me immense stress, which I need to avoid. Also they want to get in on the Christening, which I have done nothing about planning yet! I also have yet to discuss this with my midwife.

I woke up worrying about this this morning - I feel it could go either way - be absolutely fine, or mess things up competely and I'll feel silly and regret it forever.
More to come on this - I'm off to watch the Lost finale!