light

Sun. Shine. Bright blue cold sky. I plan to go out in it, soon, when I go to buy fondant and cupcake wrappers for vulva cupcakes for a tantric workshop that I mostly likely will not blog about here.. The kids can run on the grass, beneath the trees. We might see a squirrel. We might absorb a little bit of vitamin D and let the breeze blow some of the crabbiness away. Though we'll probably have a row, but, that's just how it is.

I wish they could be more at peace with that, more relaxed about it. Yesterday in the car I tried to tell them how much I cared about them as babies. How much I wanted to feed them well and sleep with them and give them all the love and time I could and how important it was to me. And they just didn't get it. Well, maybe Bodhi does, really, in the right mood. Olivia, no, though. Too much got in the way. Or I just didn't get it right. I know it's too late, but I hope it's not too late in some ways. Though... what's to come doesn't necessarily hold much promise. Deep breaths... walk in the sun.